My FWB person im with came over just to hang out. He made a comment as soon as he got to my house about how he was drunk cause he had some stuff to drink after work, and said that if he did anything that made me uncomfortable he would take responsibility for it. I laughed it off but it made me uncomfortable because this guy has had some questionable sexual relationships in the past (on his end cause of his actions). later that night while we where trying to sleep he did do Things that made me uncomfortable. I pretended to be asleep and just didint move. Later on in the night, I willingly participated in sex with him. Was what he did a red flag like I think it is? And am I a bad person for ignoring the red flags and sleeping with him anyways despite the fact that a few hours prior he did things he shouldn’t have?
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Thank you for reaching out! Firstly, I just want to reassure you that how you perceive your experiences doesn't make you a bad person. All the emotions you are feeling are most likely coping mechanisms. In other words, you were responding to an environment you did not feel safe in, and you are still coping with how you felt in that moment.
Ignoring red flags doesn't make you a bad person; you might not have felt safe to voice how you were feeling with him and how he made you feel uncomfortable. Here is an article that can provide you some insight on why many of us tend to ignore red flags: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-do-we-ignore-red-flags-in-our-relationships-1024165/amp/.
There are many situations that blur the line of consent in sex. Just know that whenever you are feeling uncomfortable, you have every right to say no. Here's another article I want to share with you that can give you some insight on what consent should look like: https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent.
I want to remind you that feeling uncomfortable typically stems from a strong intuition that your safety is being compromised. Thus, you have the right to feel uncomfortable for the way he acted towards you.
Wishing you the best,
Hi there, @I am just me ! You don't need to tag me since I always receive a notification when a user submits a question. Thank you so much for reaching out!
I'll be sure to relay your submission to one of our peer counsellors. You should receive a response within the next 48 hours; however, if you need it sooner, simply notify me, and we will accommodate your needs!
Until then, stay strong.
@Jude im not sure how the system works so I’m not sure if you guys will see this automatically or not which is why I’m tagging. thank you in advance