How can I think of myself as a good person and allow myself to experience good things, if I have done something horrible to my partner , breaking his trust and making him think about that all the time, almost leaving his mind even after months, essentially giving him ptsd, because every cute or lovey or couple-y thing he sees reminds him of us and me.....
He didn't physically assault me, and he is very sorry when things like that accidentally happen, but he slapped me right after he found out and one time when we were discussing about it, he threw my half eaten hot dog in the trash and .. I'm used to ppl being mean to me, so it didn't really affected me, but stil :c
It's okay if u feel too pressured to answer this, u don't have to, but I would appreciate it because I don't have the money, guts and anonymity to ask a therapist (at least at the moment)
For context, what I did was sexting with a guy, even sending him photos of my naked body, something sacred, that only he should have seen in all of our lives..... and complain about stuff I didn't like about him to a friend, because I wanted someone to agree with me when he would get angry at something I did or did not, but now I know he said those things because he wants (or wanted...) us to grow and get better together:C
Thank u <3
Also, sorry for the long ask:<
Hi there,
Thank you for reaching out. You mentioned that your partner hit you when he found out you had been sexting with another person. While cheating is wrong, domestic violence is incredibly serious and should not be taken lightly. You may feel like you deserved the physical assault in some way because of the mistakes you’ve made, but there is absolutely no excuse for domestic violence.
You also mentioned that he was angry because you were venting about him to a friend. It sounds like he is trying to isolate you from some of the people in your life, which is characteristic of a toxic relationship. What you talk about with your friends has nothing to do with him, and those conversations should be none of his business. Also, if he was frustrated when he found out, he could have had an open-minded and honest conversation with you about his feelings, but he resorted to physical violence, which is abusive and unacceptable.
I have provided an article that discusses the signs of a toxic and abusive relationship: https://www.new-hope.org/warning-signs-of-an-abusive-relationship/.
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes; your mistakes are what make you human, and it does not mean you are a bad person. The important thing is that you apologize to those you have hurt or wronged and take the proper steps towards remedying your mistakes. Also, it may sound counterintuitive, but the fact that you feel guilt is a great indication that you are an inherently good person because you understand what you did was wrong.
You need to decide what you think is best going forward for your relationship. Try to have an open-minded conversation with him; remind him that you feel remorseful for what you have done, and tell him how you feel about his unpredictable and violent behavior. If he does not accept your apology, then he can leave the relationship, but he cannot resent you for your past mistakes forever. If he can forgive you, and if he commits to eliminating his violent behavior, you two can attempt to move forward with the relationship. In the event you decide to continue the relationship, you both need to set clear boundaries for each other and ensure there are consequences in place if the boundaries are ever violated.
Here are some tips on how to navigate relationship conflicts: https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/conflict-resolution/.
If you move forward with this relationship and his behavior doesn’t change, please reach out to friends or family, the authorities, or the domestic violence hotline for help. The domestic violence hotline can be found at this phone number and link: 800-799-7233; https://www.thehotline.org/.
He should never use your past mistakes as a reason for physically assaulting you, and his apology after the fact does not negate the gravity of his actions. You also mentioned that he has a history of this kind of behavior, which indicates that his actions are habitual and likely will not change. You said that you are used to being treated poorly, so your past experiences with this kind of negative behavior may be obscuring your perception of the gravity of the situation. No one, regardless of their past mistakes, deserves to be treated with violence. Try to look past his apologies and the good memories you have with him and consider whether or not this is the kind of person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
Continue communicating with your friends and family. They love you and should always put your physical and emotional well-being above everything else. I am not sure if you live with your partner, but if you decide to leave him, your friends and family can also provide a place to stay temporarily and help you find a place to live.
I hope that some of this information was helpful. Please feel free to reach out to Asking Jude also if you have any further questions.
Hang in there,
Andrea