How can I think of myself as a good person and allow myself to experience good things, if I have done something horrible to my partner , breaking his trust and making him think about that all the time, almost leaving his mind even after months, essentially giving him ptsd, because every cute or lovey or couple-y thing he sees reminds him of us and me.....
He didn't physically assault me, and he is very sorry when things like that accidentally happen, but he slapped me right after he found out and one time when we were discussing about it, he threw my half eaten hot dog in the trash and .. I'm used to ppl being mean to me, so it didn't really affected me, but stil :c
It's okay if u feel too pressured to answer this, u don't have to, but I would appreciate it because I don't have the money, guts and anonymity to ask a therapist (at least at the moment)
For context, what I did was sexting with a guy, even sending him photos of my naked body, something sacred, that only he should have seen in all of our lives..... and complain about stuff I didn't like about him to a friend, because I wanted someone to agree with me when he would get angry at something I did or did not, but now I know he said those things because he wants (or wanted...) us to grow and get better together:C