I think i have social anxiety. I'm 20 (italian) and i'm literally scared, embarassed and feel anxious about speaking with anyone, even if it's someone i know. I can't make ey contact, i don't know what to sag, how to interact with people, i hate speaking at the phone, order pizza, go out alone, i don't feel myself even when i'm with my family. I get embarrassed doing anything. This is struggling me.. i can't live like this.. What can i do? Please.. All this it's too heavy..
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Hi love,
Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I'm not a mental health professional, so I cannot give you an actual diagnosis. However, from what you described, it seems that you may have social anxiety. Here is a guide on this disorder that may help you: https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/social-phobia; You remind me of myself because I have social anxiety. It feels like I'm trapped at times.
Due to the severity of your anxiety, I recommend that you seek out therapy. A therapist will be able to give you an actual diagnosis then work with you to create a treatment plan that works best for you.
You said you're Italian, so I'm assuming that you are from Italy (if you're not, please let me know so I can give you the right resources). Since you are 20, you don't need your parent(s)' permission to attend treatment. I'm not quite sure how Italy's healthcare system works, so I'm assuming that you can reach out to your general practitioner or insurance company for a referral. You can also check out https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com/listings/italy-1/ to find mental health professionals in your area.
Until you can start therapy, there are some ways for you to manage your anxiety. Some of these techniques have worked for me, but please keep in mind that they may not work for you. That doesn't mean that there aren't coping mechanisms out there for you because there is. You just have to do some experimenting to find the right ones. Here are my suggestions:
Breathing: When we are anxious, our body activates it's "sympathetic nervous system" aka the body's gas pedal. Taking deep breaths helps us start our body's brake pedal, aka the "parasympathetic nervous system." When you are having an anxiety attack, take some deep breaths until you feel calm. There are a lot of breathing techniques out there, but I like box breathing the best. Here are the instructions: https://www.healthline.com/health/box-breathing.
Grounding Techniques are another great mechanism to use when you feel like you're having an anxiety attack. Focusing on what's going on around us helps calm the body down and focus on the moments. When we're anxious, our brain thinks that we're in danger, but grounding helps us realize that we're not. The most straightforward grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method because it uses your senses. Here are two guides with the instructions (and a few other procedures): https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques.pd and https://www.winona.edu/resilience/Media/Grounding-Worksheet.pdf.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a technique that utilizes tensing and relaxing different muscles in the body. It can help trigger a calming response in the body and help you figure out which muscles tense when you are anxious. Check out this step-by-step handout: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf.
Journaling once a week or whenever you are feeling anxious can be very cathartic. I found these articles with advice on how to journal: https://journaltherapy.com/journal-cafe-3/journal-course/, https://www.verywellmind.com/journaling-a-great-tool-for-coping-with-anxiety-3144672, and https://medium.com/@micahmcg0035/brain-dumping-for-the-stressed-and-anxious-a6f76e6c05c8.
Mindful Meditation takes a while to get into, but once you get the hang of it, it does help lower anxiety levels. There are many meditation websites and apps out there, but I recommend that you check out the following websites: https://students.dartmouth.edu/wellness-center/wellness-mindfulness/mindfulness-meditation/guided-audio-recordings, https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/mindful-meditations, https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/, and https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/mindfulness-meditation-downloads.
Half-Smile: Okay, I know this sounds weird, but doing a little half-smile can help regulate emotions like anxiety, anger, and depression. Usually, after 10 minutes of having a small half-smile, your mood should improve. Here are some handouts with more information: http://www.edencounseling.com/resources/dbt_distress_tolerance_group_7_handouts.pdf and https://www.necmh.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/14-half-smiling-and-willing-hands.pdf.
ASMR: I don't use ASMR to cope with my anxiety, but it seems to help individuals with sleep troubles, anxiety, and depression. The ASMR community is vast with different types of videos like paint mixing, slime, nature sounds, etc. Try out other videos to see what works for My recommendation for you is Asking Jude's ASMR channel called Noctiflora. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCW-frOIU0fLnTSxOxKnBT8Q.
Some other things you can try are squishing a stress ball/play-dough, color in a coloring book, or try to channel your anxiety into your hobbies. Ensure that you get enough sleep, exercise, eat healthily and limit alcohol and caffeine consumption.
I found these self-help guides that you can look at for more advice:
https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/anxiety.htm.
https://www.queensu.ca/studentwellness/sites/webpublish.queensu.ca.swswww/files/files/Counselling/Anxiety%20Workbook_Final%20-%20Printer%20friendly_whole.pdf.
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/challenging-anxious-thoughts.pdf.
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/decatastrophizing.pdf.
In addition to the resources above, I recommend that you reach out to helplines for added support. Please note that hotlines aren't meant to replace help from a mental health professional. These lines are excellent resources because they are free, confidential, and available 24/7. I did my best to find support lines in Italy. If you know of some, please reach out to them. Once again, if you are not in Italy, please let me know, and I can give you the correct helpline contacts. Here are my suggestions:
7 Cups of Tea: I'm pretty sure that this organization is available internationally. To create an account, visit www.7cups.com or download their app (IOS or Google Play). Once you have, you can start chatting with one of their listeners or attend their group sessions on numerous topics.
Telefono Amico is an emotional support helpline for all ages. Visit their website at www.telefonoamico.it for more information on how to reach them.
I hope that I was able to give you some guidance on how to manage your social anxiety. It seems that some of your days are hard, but remember that this is not permanent. You will recover and feel like your old self again. Take it one day at a time. If you need any more support, please don't hesitate to come back to Asking Jude.
P.S check out Asking Jude's YouTube channel for helpful videos at www.youtube.com/c/AskingJude.
Love,
Meggan