I had one serious relationship and 2 less serious ones and I tried dating besides that as well but all of these were missing something. I was in love in 2 of them but even THOSE were missing something. I want to fall in love fully, I want to find my person. I don't even want to get married or anything, I just want to love someone with all of me. There's so much love inside of me and nobody to give it to. I'm only 21 but I'm READY to love someone, I wanna fall in love, it's all I can think about
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What do you think was missing? Do you suppose maybe you just didn’t quite click with everyone you’ve dated so far? Maybe some chemistry was missing or some misalignment of life goals. Maybe your personalities just didn’t mesh as well as you both had hoped.
It’s smart not to rush things; I see you’re focusing on building a healthy relationship before even thinking about marriage or anything else. That makes sense because no healthy marriage can happen unless you have a strong, healthy partnership beforehand. You can use this time to think about what you want from a partner and what a relationship means to you.
This is coming from a demi and bi woman, so my advice might sound a little odd to you. I found that my best bet was to befriend people because that allowed for any chemistry to manifest organically. Perhaps that could work for you? How well do you typically know someone before you start dating them? Maybe getting to know them for just a little longer will allow you to see if chemistry develops. Go to classes, activities, volunteer programs, anything where you are on a level playing field with other people. (In other words, don’t hit on someone at work, but maybe chat up someone who is volunteering for the same program you are).
In addition, sometimes love finds you when you least expect it; I never expected to fall in love with my best friend, but I’m happy I did because I’m very happy with him and the relationship just…feels right. It’s kind of hard to explain, but the love I have for him is different in good ways. Maybe that can happen to you; maybe you’ll fall for someone, someone you never expected.
Don’t forget that love in all healthy forms is just as valid and important as romantic love. In other words, show yourself love and show it to those you care about. Romantic relationships aren’t the only ones worth pursuing. I’m wondering if you’re running up against Amatonormativity, which is the idea that being coupled up or aiming to be is normal and single people aren’t normal. You can find out more from Elizabeth Blake, the woman who coined the term: https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/
If that’s what you’re running up against, I can’t say I’d be surprised because a lot of cultures prioritize romantic relationships over any other kind of relationships.
In the end, don’t forget to focus on yourself, too. If you want some ways to do that, here are some great articles on self-love:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/be-good-to-yourself-10-powerful-ways-to-practice-self-love/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love
https://loveprojectlove.com/new-blog-1/self-love-for-beginners
Self-love is when you show yourself kindness, compassion, patience, forgiveness, and acceptance. Think about all that love you have that you want to show someone else; show it to yourself. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes because mistakes are how you grow. Show yourself kindness and compassion on your bad days; exercise patience when you feel you aren’t doing as well as you thought you would be. Accept that you are human and just as valid as everyone else.
Don’t hesitate to reach back out if you have any more questions.
Socially-distanced hugs,
Angelica Barile