Last year, I did not have a great year because I let the wrong people into my life and got screwed over a lot by those people. Also, my british ex broke up with me because he knew his girlfriend was having a baby. My ex and his friends still talk badly about me all the time while he was in the wrong and it frustrates me sometimes. My ex and his friends judge how I look since I took one embarrassing photo. His friends know that he used me and did not care if I was hurt or not. When my ex and his friends talk badly about me, I ignore them and move on. It's like they do not know how to move on from me since the breakup happened a year ago and it's like they are obsessed with me and ruining my happiness. Then, this one girl who is friends with my ex still has beef with me and and one of my friends for no reason and we did nothing to her. It's like the girl likes to compete with me and her to get every guy's attention, but basically she acts like a pick me girl. While around her, I could tell that she did not like me when I was around her. I used to chase after the wrong people just to be accepted but I do not do that anymore. This year, I am having an amazing year and I am finally healthy and happy. I am taking care of my mental health and exercising in a healthy way. I forgot about those people who put me through misery, but I am much stronger and my mindset is better.
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I am so happy to hear that you are doing well! It is wonderful that you are making healthy choices for yourself--both mentally/emotionally and physically. It is not an easy thing to do sometimes. It takes a lot to rise above all of the situation you're in and prioritize yourself. Well done!
Choosing the right people to surround ourselves with is also highly important because the ones who are around us are our support system. Being surrounded by people who hurt us constantly can be draining. If you are ever feeling unsure about your relationship with someone, here are some tips that can help: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm.
One of my favorite tips is: “Focus on the way a friendship feels, not what it looks like..” If you feel restricted within a friendship, that is a warning sign that it isn’t the best for you. If you feel as if you are constantly having to defend yourself or stand up for yourself, that is againt not the right friendship. A good friendship should give you the space to feel secure and supported. That isn’t to say that friends never have disagreements, but it’s how it is handled that is really telling about a person’s true colors.
I think it is important for any relationship to have boundaries. Boundaries are rules you set for yourself. For example, “I am not going to tolerate being talked to like this,” then following through with an exit strategy to remove yourself from the situation. Examples of an exit strategy can include walking away, hanging up the phone, no longer responding, and so on.
From an outsider's perspective, boundaries seem like a way to control how others treat you, but they aren’t. Boundaries are a way to control how you respond to certain triggers. Here are some tips on how to create and enforce boundaries: https://www.npr.org/2021/01/25/960423678/how-to-set-boundaries-with-family-and-stick-to-them. You don’t have to be aggressive or forceful when letting someone know they’ve crossed the line. Saying something as simple as “hey, I don’t like this” can do the trick.
As you may know, some days are going to be easier than others to stay motivated. Whether it is exercising or self-improvement, sometimes, it can feel impossible to be consistent. Here are some tips to combat this if that ever happens: https://www.coursera.org/articles/how-to-motivate-yourself. Making your self-care a priority is great, but making it a habit is even better. Once something becomes a habit, you won’t have to push yourself to continue it. Set realistic goals for yourself—and don’t beat yourself up if things don’t go perfectly.
Hello there, @Stay Strong ! I am so thrilled that you are doing better mentally and physically. Not only that, I am SO proud of you for committing to improving yourself, particularly after dealing with such a string of traumatic events. Your acceptance and adaptability shows both grace and skill. Amazing, amazing, amazing job!
That being said, one of our peer counsellors, Andrea, would like to offer you some resources JUST in case you ever need a quick mental pick-me-up. And don't forget that Asking Jude is offering live, remote, and pay-what-you-can peer counselling sessions if you ever need it!
Until then, stay strong!