My friend A has D.I.D (dissociative identity disorder) which used to be called multiple personality disorders. He has a new alter, who I will be calling L. A and I have not talked about what to do if a new alter fronts because he does not split new alters often, however tonight a new one was out for the first time. L was very confused, so I explained to him where he was, that he was a appart of a system, and then gave him some articles as well as answering some questions he had. I don't know how to tell A that he has a new alter, and I don't know what to do if L is still fronting later on, because the place we are living does not know he has this disorder and he is not comfortable with being called A, which is what most of the people in our house hold call him. I guess im asking a few things here.
was the way i handled this situation appropriate?
should I tell A about L and what I all said to L?
what should I do about the fact L doesn't want to be called by A's name, but no one knows that A has more then one personality, if L is still fronting by the time he meets other household members?
I want to be as much help as possible, but I also don't want there life or housing at risk, and I don't know when ill be able to talk to A again. Any advice is welcome, but please no replies about your personal opinions on the disorder, as I know its heavily stigmatized, and some people don't think its real.
Thank you in advance, Danni. 😊
Hi Danni!
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. I want to clarify that I am not an expert on mental disorders. However, I do believe that you handled the situation to the best of your abilities. Although I’m not quite sure what you mean by “system,” I think telling A where he was and helping answer his questions was a great way to help ground him.
I also think this needs to be discussed further with A. These are circumstances that could affect his safety and well-being, so I imagine that he would want to be aware of his alter. I recommend finding a time and place where the two of you can talk about what happened. If you feel unsure about doing this, you could ask him what you should do if an alter presents themselves. Then, depending on his reaction, you can explain the situation.
After that discussion, the two of you can go over how you can best assist him. It may be helpful to go over any triggers to avoid, offer to help look into treatment options (https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders), offer him rides to any appointments he may have, and remind him that he is loved and supported by you. For more information on how to help him, maybe this link will help as well: https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/dissociative-identity-disorder/related/how-to-help-a-friend-with-dissociative-identity-disorder/.
As for the name situation, is it possible to let your housemates know about your friend’s diagnosis? Of course, this option is not always possible or ideal. Thus, talk to your friend about what would help him feel safest during switches. He may even consider telling his housemates to sometimes refer to him as another name (“A”) without giving all of the details.
I also want to encourage you to take time for yourself away from the situation. This can be a lot of stress and responsibility for you, so I recommend putting forth enough time in your day for self-care. I want to clarify that it is great that you are dedicated to helping your friend; he is very lucky to have someone so supportive. However, looking after yourself is important as well. Here is a link with advice on how to look after your wellbeing: https://www.mhanational.org/taking-good-care-yourself
Sending love,
Helen