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I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult situation. I am glad you reached out to Asking Jude, and I hope I can provide some helpful advice and resources. Try honestly expressing how you feel to your boyfriend; maintaining open communication is vital to all relationships. Internalizing your thoughts and bottling up your feelings can produce stress, so explaining how you feel can help relieve emotional distress. When speaking about your friend, remember that you are not required to answer any questions that make you uncomfortable. However, being honest about your feelings is the best option to prevent either of you from being hurt by the situation. Here is an article that discusses effective and open communication: https://www.voicesofyouth.org/mental_health_communicating_what_you_need.
Containing your feelings can be extremely stressful, and navigating romantic feelings is often overwhelming. If you feel comfortable enough to do so, I would recommend expressing how you feel to your friend. However, it is also perfectly understandable that you may not be ready to express those feelings yet. Remember that you can always look to a trusted family member or friend to discuss these emotions, and please feel free to reach out to Asking Jude again if you require further guidance. Also, if you’d ever like to speak with a mental healthcare professional, here is a link to find therapists near you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists.
Discussing your feelings with someone you feel comfortable with can help you better understand your own feelings and communicate them to your friend and boyfriend. If you do not feel comfortable confiding in anyone, journaling is a great way to relieve stress, organize your thoughts, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Here is a resource that discusses some benefits of journaling and how you can get started: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
Always remember that your emotions are completely valid and normal. Love is an exceedingly complicated thing, and it is vitally important to be honest with yourself and those around you. If you have any other questions, comments, or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out again.