I have his problem and I don't have anybody to talk about it.
Some months ago a familiar started living here in the house, at the beggining I started to notice myself being more skittish towards everyone but I thought that the problem was the fact that I usually don't interact with this person. "I just need to adjust and I will be okay".
The problem is, it has been some months now and I feel really tired, like, not only physically but also mentally and everytime I interact with this person I feel the sudden urge to cry and just sleep all day. And I don't know what to do or why am I feeling this way.
Well, thanks for reading.
It sounds like this family member is making you massively uncomfortable for good reason; it looks like your gut is telling you this person is dangerous or otherwise triggering to be around. Even if people are family, that doesn’t always mean they are safe to be around; some of the worst perpetrators of abuse are relatives.
Has this person been involved in such awful deeds in the past? Has anyone in your family talked about this relative? Perhaps they’re giving you signs that they are capable of bad deeds and intend to do them. Keep an eye out for any unusual behavior, such as boundary pushing/testing, inappropriate questions or interactions, insisting on interacting with you alone, etc. Even if they’ve never harmed you, they could have harmed someone you care about and you fear they’ll harm you.
I have some articles about grooming (priming someone for a particular role, usually to accept abuse) and listening to your gut that may help:
These might help you figure out if this family member is dangerous.
A less sinister reason could be that this person is inadvertently triggering you in some way. If you have PTSD or something similar, this person’s appearance or behavior could be making you feel like you’re in danger even though you are not. That’s what happens when a person’s brain is stuck in danger mode.
When you’re around this relative, they may be inadvertently frightening you and making you feel like you’re in danger because they’re unintentionally activating that subconscious part of your brain and sending it into panic mode. Even if you aren’t experiencing flashbacks or anything like that, the panic mode is still activated because your brain perceives a familiar threat; PTSD responses vary widely and do not always involve a blank stare and flashbacks.
What you can do to protect yourself is to ensure you’re never alone with this person. Find an excuse to leave the house if everyone else but this person is leaving. When you come back, look for any evidence they were in your room; they could be looking for something “incriminating” about you or ways to approach you. Can you always have your phone handy? It’s a nice reminder to this person that you can always catch any inappropriate behavior of theirs on camera or call for help in a pinch.
Can you seek out a therapist? Perhaps it’ll allow you both a chance to get out of the house and a chance to get to the bottom of this. They can help you keep yourself safe and teach you how to manage your responses to this person. It’ll also be nice to have that person reminding you that you’re not being paranoid. It’s also better to speak to someone who is uninvolved because I worry that talking to anyone at home will mean you get harshly shut down or the relative in question gets wind of it. In addition, therapists can work more closely with you and can get you out of a dangerous situation more easily than we can.
I really hope that you stay safe. Maybe this family member won’t live with you forever and they’ll move out soon. I hope so. Stay vigilant and don’t hesitate to reach back out if you need more help. If you’re in an emergency, call 911 or your country’s equivalent.
I am not a peer counselor. I am an asking Jude member. If I was a psychologist or psychiatrist, I would ask for details about the home that you live in. I say that because you start off by saying that 'you have no one to talk to.' Peer counselors here will help you...
Hi there, love! This is Jude. I've relayed your submission to Angelica. She'll be answering it shortly.