So, the backstory is quite extensive. My 'family' right now consists of an 80+ grandmother, my 58 disabled mother, and a brother in his 30s but also disabled and mentally ill who lives in a group home. My mom has been abused a lot, both by my father and step father. And I feel she is quite codependent emotionally. She's fragile, in other words. She is also physically disabled with quite a few serious health problems.
You can say I'm the matriarch of the family (35, btw). And I'm facing some issues that I really don't know who to turn to. My mom amd grandma live together, and bless my granny's heart, but she's in her 80s and can't keep helping my mom like she does. I used to live with my mom until 2 years ago and it was... exhausting. I can't do that again. Hell, I still end up at theor home most days of the week to help out and I've already verging on burn out.
And I hate it. I hate how I can't control my moodswings because I love my mom, but she's so tiring. I'm empathetic to the fact she is lonely and needs a friend, but I get so frustrated when she wants me to spend all my free time with her.
Like, right now she's in the hospital, and I was there for most of the day with her other than 3 hours for work. And yet when I went to leave close to 7pm, she cries and tells me she needs me to stay. That I need to help her and be her advocate. And for years I would, when I was younger and sleeping on the couch was no big deal. But I can't sleep there and turn around and go to work.
And I admit, part of me is angry because when I was a child, and even now, I have never felt like I could cry and ask for help from her or anyone. Growing up, I had to be the bigger person because of my brother. He needed the attention because he was mentally ill and I was the self sufficient one. The one the adults could rely on.
Sorry about the rant, but it culminates to this question. How do I deal with this? Am I the asshole and need to be more sympathetic? How do I guarantee my grandma's health and safety? I know my mom will be in a rehab facility for a while, but after that I am worried it will fall back into the same pattern? Am I a bitch for being caught between love and hate for my mom? How do I handle all this stress on my shoulders? I know running away isn't a viable option but damn does it seem appealing.
I don't have anyone to ask for help. I just need advice on how to handle this situation.