Sign Up/Log In
Terms and Conditions
Hello! Thank you for reaching out about your situation; it can be a difficult one to navigate.
My first question is: have you gone on a date with him yet? The advice I will provide will go in a few different directions depending on whether or not you two have gone on a date yet.
If you have not gone on a date yet, then I encourage you to ask yourself where these doubts are coming from. Did you learn something about him that makes you worry you wouldn’t be compatible in the long run? Do you two not want the same type of relationship? Is he giving you really bad/toxic vibes? Are you worried he will do something to hurt you?
If you feel like something is off about him, or you worry that you won’t be safe, do not go on a date with him and you can let him know (safely via text/messaging app) that you’re no longer interested. You don’t need to elaborate further than that because your safety matters, and you have absolutely every right to back out if you no longer feel comfortable.
If the reason you have changed your mind is something more innocuous, perhaps it’s worth it to go on a small-scale date and discuss it further. You might learn something new about him and find that you didn’t have to worry in the first place, or you might receive the confirmation that you two won’t work out. Either way, you will get a more definitive answer. You can keep it simple and go for a walk in the park and get some coffee afterwards (I recommend that you both pay for yourselves so that there is no squawking over it). You can talk about whether or not you want to break things off towards the end of the date, or wait a few days until you’ve had time to process everything.
Of course, if you feel the date will be going nowhere, it’s okay to let him know the same way you asked him out. For example, the next time you see him, you can say that you have changed your mind about the date because you learned something that you know means you won’t work out in the long run, and you would rather save him the time. Keeping it short and to the point is best because then he will understand that it was nothing personal and it prevents any “misunderstandings.”
If you have gone on a date, what about it went wrong? What did you learn that has you feeling doubtful? Since this is only after one date, it’s fine if you text him after and let him know that this isn’t going to work. You can tell him that while you had fun on the date, you see you both want different things out of the relationship, or you don’t have enough common goals or interests, or that you just don’t feel any chemistry and that it’s best if you go your separate ways. Give yourself the time to think it all through and proceed from there.
These articles provide some more specifics on how to cancel the date if you would like more guidance:
Remember that you aren’t obligated to enter a relationship with someone just because of one date. It’s okay to learn that you aren’t compatible with someone, but it’s also important to be kind about it.
Hi, @Kate Word ! One of our peer counsellors, Angelica, will be answering you shortly. I'm so sorry for the extended wait time!
To make up for this, I'd like to offer you a couple hours of peer counselling sessions free of charge. This is completely remote and can be done via audio/video call or text messaging. You can redeem this at any time. For more information on this, reach out to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until then, stay strong!