I need some help, this is going to sound strange some parts of it, I’m sorry.
so I have been dating someone online for 7 years. we split up for a year at one point but he wouldnt leave me alone, he never does.
I met him when I was 16 and he was 20 because I used to go online all the time because I suffer with social anxiety and really struggled with making any kind of friends. so at the start it was okay and he would say he wanted to meet me but then he kept making excuses. a lot of things happened, he went on a website imvu and was saying very inappropriate stuff to other girls, and saying he was single and people go on there to date. I told him and he basically blamed me for finding out and that it was a ’joke‘ basically putting the blame on me. he finally said he wouldn’t do it again but then he did it for a second time. He would go for weeks ignoring me and then come back and be fine for a week or two. He would always make comments saying I have lame replies or I should say certain things. He would always make me feel like I’m not good enough Because he would constantly be talking to other girls and meeting lots of them while he got very insecure if I spoke to anyone. One time he even tried to say to my family that I had talked shit about them to him and that he knew me better than I knew myself. he constantly made ‘jokes’ about me being bisexual and liking women. he Acts very immature too . when I try to break up with him and block him I have a hard time because he always manages to contact me in some shape or form (making new accounts) because apparently he has changed and doesn’t do that anymore. He seems to have forgotten the things he’s said to me for the past 7 years and thinks the only thing he did wrong was that on imvu.
in recent years he has become a lot more clingy and jealous. I feel like he wants to control me and I’m tired. I just feel like I can’t get away from him. He constantly makes me do things on our call that I don’t want to do which sometimes makes me feel so disgusting and makes me want to cry but then I feel bad because he says he just wants to feel wanted so I feel awful because I never want to make someone feel bad about themselves But I feel like I can’t take it anymore.
he got jealou over me having dinner with my family before COVID, he got jealous bc he thought the sims was a multiplayer game, he gets jealous if I even talk to someone and says I should be flattered that someone cares about me that much they don’t want to lose me. Before COVID I would sometimes go out for drinks with my sisters and he told me that only single people do that which is not true, my sisters have partners and they go out for some drinks.
I recently also told him I am sick of having an online relationship , I am now 24 and I feel like I have missed out on so much. I have struggled with an eating disorder and anxiety and depression for years and he makes it worse. The worst thing is, he things he is a great boyfriend and doesn’t think half the Things he does is bad or hurt me. It’s all about him. i said I was sick of being in an online relationship and he said he wants to meet but if he had too he would have an online relationship forever bc he loves me and basically I can’t love him enough If I don’t. he also accuses me of things constantly, I’m just waiting for something better to come along or I’m looking for this and that. I’m exhausted with it all
i feel defeated. I feel like no one would actually want to be with me in real life. he has done so many more things than the stuff above but I’m in two minds the one who has had enough and the one who doesn’t know if I’m just wrong, he says he felt worthless when I said I didn’t want to be back with him and he really knows how to make me feel bad or pressure me. I just feel so stuck, I know it’s online but I feel like he will always be there in some way.
and sometimes when I’ve left for a while I start to miss him and I’m not sure why Because I feel awful all the time I’m with him. he gets annoyed when I’m not affectionate with him or if I don’t call him baby, but this just doesn’t come naturally to me, I’m not very affectionate in words, I like to DO things for people
sorry for the long post, I could literally write so much more I just need help with getting away but being able to stay away and not feel bad I guess