During the pandemic, I really just didn't make an effort to meet new people, because I wanted to be safe and I'm not that comfortable with starting friendships online. Because of that, I feel like I became even more closed off than I was before. I have only one friend, she's amazing, but she's a lot more sociable than me and she has a lot more friends than I do. I feel like it's time for me to get out there and connect with other people. I'm not necessarily looking for tight-knit friendships, as I've been let down by many in the past, just people to hang out with. It's not in my nature to be the one who approaches someone first and I feel really awkward, as I was always the one to be approached by other people. I don't really have the social skills, I'm really quiet and introverted and pretty much alone all the time, but I'm kinda tired of being lonely and at home all the time. So what advice would you give me to become more confident and courageous when it comes to making friends? How does one make friends? :)))
P.S.: I recently got fully vaccinated and where I live most people did and the cases dropped a lot so I feel safe going out and meeting strangers, with all the precautionary measures of course :)
The good news is that COVID has expanded people’s opportunities to make new friends. Throughout the pandemic, people have been feeling rather isolated and thus have been working on ways to build new friendships and connections with people. So despite all the memes about introverted and anti-social people doing just fine during the pandemic, many people are still feeling cut-off.
Since restrictions are lifting, why not check out your local library? They usually have programs and groups you can join; mine has plenty for all ages. I’m not sure how much yours will be doing, but it’s worth a look. Look for more clubs and organizations; get involved in your community! Go volunteer if places are accepting. These are all great ways to expand hobbies and make friends.
Develop friendships with people in your community virtually! Join local groups on social media, join Discord servers based on interests, etc. Try to aim for online groups that also connect offline; this should also allow you to be safer.
Do you have any fitness-related hobbies? Maybe see if there are groups dedicated to your sport or activity in your area. Why not see if you can join a local sports team or maybe a game group? Maybe see if there are any people interested in board games or tabletop games like Dungeons and Dragons in your area.
Heck, why not make your own groups? Or make some posts on your local community’s social media pages? Express interest in starting or joining groups and people would be more than happy to invite you or point you in the right direction. I say that it’s better to make friends in situations like this because you’re likely going to be interacting with people, anyway, so this means you don’t always have to worry about who approaches whom, etc.
These are all ways to get started with meeting people and making friends. Now I’d like to talk about why it seems so difficult to do those things (pandemic notwithstanding). It’s simply because it’s hard to meet people organically when you’re an adult. In other words, kids tend to form friendships with other kids because they meet and interact with each other all day in school. Friendships tend to be born out of proximity, but kids can also connect over shared interests. As adults, we don’t always have the opportunities to bond with other people because the settings in which we meet people don’t often allow for it. For example, not everyone wants to befriend their coworkers because they either don’t feel their coworkers would be compatible as friends or they simply don’t want to mix their personal and professional lives. This is totally fine.
It’s not a bad idea to make friends outside of work and other places of obligation since you get to build connections out of shared interests or attitudes and not just work. It’s also smart to not always blend your professional and personal lives; you will likely feel more comfortable in behaving more authentically around friends you make outside of work or school. This is one reason why some folks don’t like having coworkers or employers on social media.
This article from the therapy provider TalkSpace discusses some of the challenges of making and maintaining friendships in adulthood:
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/how-to-make-friends-adult/
These two explain some of the challenges adults face in making friends normally and during the pandemic:
https://www.thecut.com/article/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult.html
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult-4769076
While many folks like to say humans are social creatures, everyone has different social needs; since you are more introverted, you may need to take things more slowly with developing friendships or you may need more time alone to recharge. That’s totally fine; please remember that you’re allowed to take things slowly and you’re allowed to have boundaries. COVID has been making some folks feel like their social skills are rusty, so this will just take some getting used to.
Just remember that a significant number of people will likely also be in your shoes; COVID isolated a lot of us, after all. So that’s common ground right there; just take it one step at a time!
Socially-distanced hugs,
Angelica Barile
Great comment, @Drew Simels ! Drew is correct, June. One of our peer counsellors will get back to you soon. Until then, stay strong!
Hey, June Rosalie! I'm a member, here, not a peer counselor. It's nice to hear that where you are at most people are fully vaccinated. I'm much, much olderr than you and I do remember feeling totally clueless about making friends. When I moved to NYC and started my life, that became much less of a problem. This was at a time when the society of the U.S.A. was different. ... A peeer counselor will get back to you and give you advice...