Hi I kinda need help making friends. I’m really shy so it’s already super hard. I’ve been trying with some of my classmates but I’ve kind of given up now. I noticed that they’d give me a chance and we’d be vibing. But I’m just too awkward and shy so then the next day they’d cut me off. Like they wouldn’t talk to me anymore. So it makes it even harder for me to make friends. N I guess because of that I don’t really try anymore. I hate it because I wanna be able to make friends but I just can’t.
Hi there,
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice! I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling to make friends with your classmates. I first want to encourage you not to label yourself as “shy” or “awkward.” By believing you are shy and awkward, you may unintentionally behave in ways that reinforce those beliefs (also known as the self-fulfilling prophecy). Although you may feel you are a shy person, I can guarantee that you are much more than that. Instead, describe yourself using adjectives that are true and positive (e.g. funny, caring, empathetic, selfless). This way, you can shine a light on the qualities that you admire about yourself. I found a link that outlines how you can practice positive self-talk, which I hope will help you:
https://www.choc.org/articles/how-to-engage-in-positive-self-talk/
Initiate conversations with your peers. You mentioned you are sometimes able to connect with them, which is a great start! The next day, you can start a new conversation by asking them open-ended questions. Asking them, “how do you guys study for this class?” or “which fun shows/movies do you guys recommend?” are good ways to learn more about them. I also encourage you to share a little bit about yourself, which can allow your classmates to see what they have in common with you. Here is a link that explains how you can start conversations with others:
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-to-initiate-conversation.html.
You can also pay someone a kind compliment, to which people typically respond well. You can say something like, “I like your style” or “you have nice handwriting.”
Join extra-curricular activities that you are interested in. Not only can this help you discover your passions, but it can also help you meet people who share those passions. You could join a sport, the debate team, a math club, etc. Then, you can introduce yourself to other members of those organizations and start conversations with them. You may even want to run for a cabinet position, which can allow you to become friends with other cabinet members! Check your school’s listing for clubs and programs to seek which ones spark your interest. If there does not seem to be a club that you want to join, I recommend starting your own club:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Start-a-School-Club%3famp=1.
If you find that the above tips do not seem to work around the same group of people, I recommend trying elsewhere. The friendships should not feel forced, and I am sure that there are plenty of other people who could use a friend like you. Remember to stay kind, open, and genuine with those around you. Those traits are excellent for attracting good kinds of people in your life.
Sending love and support,
Helen