Hello there! I hope you are good and having a nice time <3
Please help with this, I have no idea of what to do:
I have (or had?) a friend that I met in college, he's a really sweet boy and I enjoy being his friend.
He's friends with my sister too, as we met in projects, parties and even his graduation.
He started a relationship with this girl about a year ago or so, I don't know her, all I know about her is that she's in the same major as I was and we have friends in common. When I knew about his relationship I was very happy for him and even send him a message saying how happy I was for him.
Fast forward, I have NO idea why, the girlfriend blocked me from all social media (an my sister too) and thanks to my boyfriend, I know she's been posting about "random girls stalking her daily". She kinds of want to be social media famous and her boyfriend used to share all her content so I saw some of it but not on a daily basis... so maybe that's the whole stalking she's talking about?
I mean... okay... I was really not friends with her and I don't want to be but I've noticed changes in him that started to scare me, all his social media and interactions are about her, all he does is sharing her content (great boyfriend! but i cant's see anything hahahaha) and even some of his friends talked to him about the relationship being toxic (and the both of them were super proud of it like changing names to "radioactive girl" and "chernobyl boy" ????). It feel like he is fading his personality and only reacts to what she posts and says(?) I don't know if that makes sense.
I know it's not my business and sometimes I feel that if I speak to him about being concerned he or she will think that I'm jealous or a bad friend. But I don't think it is too healthy for him. I also don't know the girlfriend so what can I say about it?
I would like to ask him if everything is okay between us like "Hey! your gf blocked me everywhere and I don't even know her, is everything all right?" but I'm not sure it is a good move. Or should I just ignore it and hope everything goes fine? I mean, if he hasn't tell me anything... maybe there's not problem at all?
Thank you very much for reading all of this, I hope you have an amazing day<3
Hi love!
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. I’m sorry to hear about the worries you are facing with your friend and his girlfriend. I understand that it can be concerning to see him in a possibly unhealthy relationship. You may want to reach out to him about his girlfriend blocking you if you wish to clear up any misunderstandings. However, if this does not bother you much and you do not want to involve yourself in possible drama, you could decide not to approach them at all. It all depends on your intentions and your feelings about the situation.
It is also good to hear that you are looking out for your friend’s wellbeing. If you believe he is in a toxic relationship, I would recommend reaching out to him and making sure he is okay. Before you do so, however, make sure have reasons for why you think his relationship is toxic. Here are some tips for identifying the signs of toxic relationships: https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship#signs-of-toxicity
In the case that you reach out to him, let him know that you are coming from a place of love. Be calm and understanding when you are communicating and remind him that you only want the best for him. If you two are not too close but you still want to reach out to him, consider sending him a casual message that asks how he is doing. You may also want to refer to this article about approaching a friend who is in a toxic relationship: https://spunout.ie/health/article/shr-help-someone-toxic-relationship.
Remember that whether or not he leaves the relationship is entirely up to him. If he reassures you that he is happy with his girlfriend, let him know that you are there for him if he ever is feeling unsure of his relationship.
Sending love and support,
Helen