Probably not as deep as the questions you usually get but there's a particular person who makes me mad....but the reason why is so stupid!it's just because he uses big and unnecessary words in an attempt to sound smart. I can't explain why it makes me so angry but how can I control this? They're a good person so obviously I dont want to accidentally be rude to them out of anger
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Hi love,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Your reason most definitely is not stupid. Everyone has certain people that they dislike for unexplainable reasons. There are actual studies done to prove this. According to Robert Sapolsky, if our brain perceives someone who looks different from us or is condescending, insincere, or distracted, our brain produces a fear response in the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for fear and aggression. Therefore, the more you think this person will hurt or irritate you, the more visceral the fear response becomes.
This is why you feel angrier every time. Your brain has analyzed their behavior of wanting to appear superior every time they talk to you, and therefore your aggression increases. While they might be the kindest people around, something particular about their behavior triggered a response in your brain, which is why you feel the way you do. I have experienced this myself, so I completely understand how you feel. Here are some articles that better explain this situation:
-https://thriveglobal.com/stories/scientific-reason-dislike-people-research/
-http://nautil.us/issue/49/the-absurd/why-your-brain-hates-other-people?
As for you learning how to control it, here are a few things you can try. First of all, remember it is not personal. People who talk with an air of superiority are often insecure about something themselves and put up a front to appear more put together. They have a deep desire for acceptance and think that by making you feel inferior, you would be more likely to listen and accept them. Keep calm and talk to them with a neutral voice. Practice active listening and make sure not to be judgmental. The less insecure the person is around you, and the more accepted they feel, the less likely they will continue behaving in a superior way. However, if nothing changes after a while, maybe communicate to them that this makes you uncomfortable, and you would like it if they toned it down a bit.
You mentioned that they are a good person, so maybe the attitude that is coming across is unintentional. Avoid being confrontational, but let them know about your feelings calmly. I hope this helps. You can read more about it here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight/201011/are-people-who-act-superior-really-insecure
https://exploringyourmind.com/superiority-characteristic-insecure-people/
Wishing you all the best,
Manisha