My parents keep using my name as an insult to my siblings such as “you’re being a * my name*, so annoying” or if they’re frustrated at someone they’ll just say “you’re acting like *my name*!” I spoke to them about this before and how it made me feel bad, but they still use it behind my back and I hear it. Any advice on coping/solution?
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That isn’t very good! Your parents should not be singling you out by using your name as an insult, especially to your siblings or when they are frustrated at someone. You do not deserve to be treated that way by them. It can be hard to speak up against parents (or any adult) about their ill behavior. I’m very proud of you for standing up for yourself, even though it didn’t have any effect on them.
Based on the information you gave me, I think that your parents are verbally aggressive. Verbal aggression can be tied to numerous broader issues that I’m not able to pinpoint. With that being said, I do not think that it is a good idea to continue to tell your parents that their behavior is hurting you without additional support. I’m afraid that if you continue to speak out against them, it could make the situation worse.
I suggest that you reach out to a school counselor or psychologist for help. School counselors and psychologists are trained to deal with parent-child conflicts and find solutions to them. Whatever you tell them will be confidential unless they feel that you are in danger of hurting yourself or in danger from others. They should be able to work out a solution with you and your parents regarding their insults.
If you are not comfortable reaching out to a school psychologist, that is okay. Do what you feel is comfortable. There are ways for you to cope with your parents’ toxicity until things hopefully get better. Here are some guides that list different coping strategies:
Below are worksheets to help you develop self-care and coping skills:
In addition to the resources above, I recommend that you utilize helplines for support. Hotlines are phenomenal resources because they are free, confidential, and available 24/7. You can reach out to them if you need advice, help, or feel like you’re having a crisis. Here are my recommendations:
Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741 to speak with a crisis counselor.
7 Cups of Tea: Visit www.7cups.com or download their app (IOS or Google Play) to create an account. Once you have, you can start chatting with one of their listeners on numerous topics or attend support group sessions.
YouthLine is a peer-run helpline. From 4 to 10 pm pacific standard time, you can speak with a teen volunteer. Any other time you will be connected to an adult. They offer four different ways for you to reach their helpline, which you can view at https://oregonyouthline.org/.
TeenTribe is an online support group for teens and youth struggling with their mental health and difficult family dynamics. Visit https://support.therapytribe.com/teen-support-group/ to get started.
I hope that the situation with your parents resolves itself. It’s incredibly disheartening when parents don’t disrespect you and make you feel bad about yourself. It’s okay that you make mistakes. You’re supposed to grow from those mistakes and not be held to an unfair standard. If you need any more support, please don’t hesitate to come back to Asking Jude.