This is quite random, and I may be at the wrong place to talk/ask about this, but I’m hoping for some general advice. Is it bad that I get upset when my parents don’t invite me on trips? They’ve gone to Hawaii many times (I’ve gone once), they’ve gone to other states like Florida or Cali, and now they’re planning to go to France. Of course I don’t hear about it until it gets randomly brought up. And of course I’m not invited. I thought bringing kids on trips was normal, is bad to be upset?
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Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. This is not the wrong place at all; feel free to ask any questions you have. I’ve seen both sides of this situation. Personally, my parents never went on vacation without my siblings or me, it was assumed that if we were planning a vacation, we would have to make sure we were budgeting for both the kids and the parents. To my parents, vacation was a way to make our family stronger by opening ourselves to new and unknown experiences.
However, I have seen several families over the years where only the parents go on vacations or separate vacations with/without kids. In this case, parents often view vacations as a time of relaxation for themselves. When parents are always juggling with work, managing a house, and taking care of children, they often get drained. They need some time off, which might include time away from their children as well. Therefore, they take vacations where it is not necessarily about what they see but rather some time off from being a parent and all the other duties they have.
Furthermore, after children reach a certain age, some parents do not consider it an obligation to take them on vacation. Children are now regarded as adults and should be responsible for their travel. From my experiences with different families, these are often the reasons I hear for parent-only vacations.
It might also be important to note that it might be a financial issue where the children’s expenses might not fit the budget. Parents might think that their children may not fully appreciate the travel experience when they are younger and hence opt to go themselves to decrease vacation expenses.
As for you, I do not think it is bad to be upset. You want to share these experiences with your parents and want to explore the world, which is totally valid. Every family dynamic is unique, so I can’t speak much about what your parents thought when they made this decision. However, I would encourage you to talk to them. Tell them about how you’re feeling neglected. Tell them that you want to travel and spend time with them as well. Maybe suggest a shorter, lower commitment vacation to get them interested first. Or come with a compromise where you strike a balance between the vacations they go alone and the ones where you are invited. Here are some resources that you might find helpful:
I hope this helped, and remember to be calm and patient while talking to your parents. And remember, your feelings are valid. It is not bad to feel upset about this situation at all.
Wishing you all the best,