Hey, Srija! I hope Anonymous lets everybody at Asking Jude know how it turns out. Also, me being nosy, I'm interested about Anonymous' boyfriend. The boyfriend must be too focused on his needs that he does not see his girlfriend's point of view...

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude! I understand what you are going through. We’re now a few months into the pandemic, and we’re all still, well, together. Even if you’re someone who has returned to work and other activities, a lot of your time probably still involves your home and the people with whom you live. So it’s totally normal if you’re craving more solo time. It can be hard to let people know you need a little bit of space, but it will be okay.

Often, in a fit of frustration, we can throw around phrases like, “I just need some space.” But the term “space” can mean anything from an 30 min drive to a full-on breakup. When you approach your partner about needing a little time away, make sure you’re honest and specific about your needs. If your partner sulks or gets upset, please know that you’re still entitled to what you want. Try to hold firm in your desire and remember that taking care of your needs is essential to being a good partner.

Planning and communicating are extremly important. To have a partner say ‘I need space’ can intensify their anxiety, so I think one of the ways to balance that is to add some planning to it. Be open with your partner about how you feel. Open comminication is key to having a healthy relationship. Find a calm and alone space and open up to your significant other about how you feel. Let them know what you want and be very clear in phrasing your sentenses. Trying is better than just settling for what you are going through now as these feelings can build up. If your partner does not understand, try explaining again but be firm with what you want.

Finally, you can try pairing the request with a future date plan. Asking for space is a tricky situation because there's a chance your partner might feel like they no longer matter to you — or at the very least, matter less. So cushion the request with an excited comment about a future date you'll be having. Even if you're the most extroverted, outgoing person out there, we all need some time alone to recharge and refresh. So when making your request, explain in clear words that you need some alone time in order to reset. Use this time affectively to understand what it is you want and are feeling.

Here are some helpful resources:

- https://www.freep.com/story/life/advice/2015/07/21/introvert-needs-time-alone/30470499/

- https://www.abc.net.au/life/alone-time-when-in-a-relationship/10342330

- https://www.yourtango.com/2015278426/6-ways-to-say-you-need-space-without-ruining-relationships

- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-introverts-corner/201406/what-say-when-you-need-some-alone-time

- https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16901/how-to-tell-your-partner-you-need-alone-time-without-getting-in-a-fight.html

Hope this helps,

Srija