Hi! i'm running out of confidence in my relationship. I did something that made him feel less important, but I didn't meant it that way. I've been asking for forgiveness, saying that i'll be more careful next time, but he still wouldn't let it go. I'm hurting. What should I do?
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Hey love,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Romantic relationships are often difficult to navigate, especially when one’s partner is refusing to communicate. I would recommend trying to have an honest conversation with your partner. Maintaining open and judgment-free communication is vital to all relationships. If he is usually triggered when you try to talk to him about this subject, try to explain that fighting and ignoring each other’s feelings and emotions is unproductive and pointless, so having a discussion is necessary for your relationship. Try to explain your intentions as clearly as possible, and be specific about how you think the relationship should progress from this point.
Here is a resource that provides tips for effectively communicating your feelings: https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2017/01/how-to-communicate-your-feelings.
Talking about conflict can seem terrifying, but relationships require honest communication so that you are both always on the same page. Miscommunication usually leads to unnecessary confusion and heartbreak. Discussing your feelings will help you release any pent up anxiety about the situation, and it will increase your confidence, both in terms of the relationship and your life in general. When having difficult conversations, the main idea is to maintain a warm, respectful, and honest environment.
Here is another link that contains helpful tips for starting difficult conversations: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/handling_conflict/.
In regards to increasing your confidence, it’s important to consider the foundation of your relationship. Make sure that your relationship is built on trust and mutual respect, because without those core values, relationships are often difficult to maintain. It is also important to prioritize your mental and physical well-being above all other aspects of your life. You will not be able to fully commit to your relationship if you are mentally or physically unhealthy. Self-care often seems odd or unnecessary, which is why many people don’t prioritize it. It does not have to be anything extreme; you could try going for a walk a few times a week, eating proper amounts of fruit and vegetables, or dedicating time to any hobbies you may enjoy. You should also try to regularly reaffirm to yourself that you are a supportive partner, and that you are trying your best to maintain a healthy partnership. Being kind to yourself is vital during difficult times like this.
Here is a resource that offers additional advice on being healthy and confident in your relationship: https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ultimate-relationship-guide/confidence-in-a-relationship/.
Thank you again for reaching out to Asking Jude, and please don’t hesitate to reach out again in the future.
Stay strong,
Jordan Sadan