I'm slipping back into depression. It's the corona, everything being online/no social contact, the bad weather... I started swlfharming again, and I always want to eat to have SOMETHING to do but even the idea of food makes me sick so I'm scared my ED will come back too. I KNOW it's because of the quarantine tho, and unless things don't change, I'm not gonna get better, and idk what to do with myself anymore. I don't wanna die anymore so the only thing I can do is keep hurting myself in any way
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Thank you, Manisha, for the work that you do...
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. These are challenging times, and I know that people have been feeling very overwhelmed with everything that has been happening. Especially with winter setting in, I understand how the weather is making you feel gloomy. For many people, self-isolation can be a result of and a cause for depression. Research has found that social isolation and loneliness is linked to worsened mental health, sleep quality, and appetite. So you’re not alone, and I don’t want you to feel dejected about feeling this way.
I will say, I am glad that you understand that it is because of quarantine and that things will get better. However, things are very uncertain and we do not know when the world is going to go back to normal, so keeping that in mind, we should try our best to cope with our current situation.
You mentioned that you self-harm is what you use to cope, which is a start. It means that you are looking for help, a way to get better. Certainly self-harm is not ideal because we want you to feel better and become stronger, not hurt yourself further. So I want you to analyze why you self-harm. Do you do it for control, to feel something, to focus, or something else? Here is a list of distraction techniques that will give suggestions for every reason you might self-harm: http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/distraction-techniques-pm-5.pdf
As far as your eating habits go, you mentioned that you eat in order to be occupied and have something to do. Have you considered starting a new hobby instead? Personally, I have started cooking foods from new cuisines, and started yoga to keep myself occupied and do something fun. Find what makes you happy, and fuel your energy into that. Here are some ideas that might get you inspired: https://www.mantelligence.com/list-of-hobbies/.
Create a routine. Building a routine can help develop helpful and healthy habits, and can give you something to which you cn look forward. Building habits such as exercise, meditation, balanced controlled meals, and 6-8 hours of sleep can help you feel better. Similarly, if you have any fun activities, such as watching tv, any of your hobbies, or listening to music, factoring those into your schedule can make you happier and give you something to look forward to.
If you ever feel like your urges are getting out of control and you feel unsafe, please reach out and talk to someone. Talk to family, friends, a loved one, or even a therapist. Communicating and articulating your feelings are very important and will help you unpack what is happening. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person, virtual therapy through websites like Betterhelp or Talkspace are also helpful. Similarly, if you don’t feel comfortable physically talking to a person, then helplines such as Crisis Text Line and National Suicide Prevention Helpline might be helpful as well. Another option is to write in a journal. In any way, understanding and unpacking your feelings in a productive way will help you feel a lot better.
Here are some more resources that might help:
-You can call the NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group at 800-826-3632.
-Crisis Text Line can be reached by texting ‘Home’ to 741-741.
I hope this helps, and as always, the Asking jude team is here to help.
Wishing you all the best,