Hi asking Jude team! I have a dilemma, I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years with lots of ups and downs. I am starting to realize that maybe this relationship isn’t healthy and I’ve changed myself a lot to adapt to it. I started talking to someone else as friends randomly online and this person and I seem to be clicking and he’s getting feelings for me. I am realizing I look for attention in the wrong places so I’m worried about whether I should even keep talking to this person.
I am not sure if I should keep my relationship because I know I care about and love him still but this new guy is making me question things a lot. My bf and I live together and he has been off work because of quarantine, maybe it’s too much time together or something? I wouldn’t even know how to go about ending things if I did decide that, especially because I asked to stay together a year ago when we broke up for a few days.
I feel like there’s so many things coming into play and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been unhappy lately because i don’t want to be at my job and with everything else going on in the world I’ve been feeling sad or angry and really fatigued. Any tips or articles you could give I would be so thankful.
- Hi there,
Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. Congratulations on finding a job! We are so happy to know that our service has helped you. Living with a chronic disease like Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) can be very stressful. You may feel like you have lost control over your life, but that is not the case. Some nontraditional treatment options can make a big difference. Checking in with a mental health professional can be very beneficial. If you choose to look at the negative, that is what you will get. If you focus on living life positively, more of that will come your way. Do not ask the question, "why me?" Instead, face it and grow from the knowledge and experience. Below is a link that explains how a chronic disease does not define a person; instead, it enhances a person's knowledge:
- https://inspiyr.com/live-with-chronic-disease/
Next, stay connected with your friends and family. You may feel like you have little in common, or they simply do not want to hear about what you are going through, but it is important to regularly reach out to friends and family to share your thoughts and maintain a support network.
Finally, Find a support group as it can be helpful throughout your process. Sharing your thoughts and getting advice can also be very helpful. If you do not know of a support group in your area, ask your physician or other healthcare professionals if they can help you find one.
- Online resources like the Ehlers-Danlos Society can help you connect with other patients and families:
https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/
Finally, there are some simple things one can do to live life with EDS more safely and hopefully with improved quality of life. First, developing a healthy lifestyle will help keep your thoughts and stress under control. Therefore, try getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating healthy. A healthy lifestyle leads to a healthy mind, so these healthy habits will help you be strong. Physical therapy has shown positive results for many people facing EDS. Please refer to this website for more information:
https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/pdf/2018-annual-conference/L-Russek-2018Baltimore-How-Can-PT-Help-S.pdf
Here are some helpful references that talk about leading a healthy life with EDS:
- http://nationalpainreport.com/living-with-ehlers-danlos-tips-to-help-improve-your-quality-of-life-8836536.html
- https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ehlers-danlos-syndrome/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20362149
Hope this helps,
Srija
~
Hi there,
Emily here, Srija, gave some great advice, but for my personal experience, it's a matter of just fighting against my negative thoughts. I know that may sound too simple, but it really does just come down to that. To get to a place where I felt I could do that, I went to a therapist for a while to process the loss and anxiety of it all.
It's really hard and some days I will give in to that self-doubt and wonder if it's all pointless to try, but I guess for me, the only alternative is sitting at home for the rest of my life which sounds way too depressing. If I fail, at least I know I tried, and with time I know I can process that too and accept and find some meaning while living completely disabled.
I believe you can do it, but don't be ashamed to ask for help if you need it. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You have a legitimate disability, and there is no reason to pretend you don't to have the life you want. Take help from whoever offers.
I hope that helped, and good luck!
Emily~