i decided to drop a friend has they believe black people deserve to be murdered but their argument is that it’s not because they’re black- it’s because they’re criminals which imo is racist, no? the thing is they were a really good friend to me & I feel awful for dropping them & although i believe that just because they’re nice to me doesn’t me it’s an excuse to harm entire community i can’t help but feel bad & just don’t know what to do. was i in the wrong?
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Hi there,
Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. I understand what you are going through. This is a tough one to tackle because it’s going to require either willful ignorance on your part or a bit of courage. My policy is that we can’t let friends get away with saying offensive things because that’s the most insidious way those sentiments become normalized and sneak into our everyday conversations.
If a friend or acquaintance of yours has said something undeniably racist, you mustn’t just let it go – more so if there is someone present who could be personally hurt by the comment. Letting someone get away with a racist comment implies that it’s OK they said it. Racism is never acceptable, and we have to keep the people we associate with accountable for their words.
Tell your friend that you think they’re racist, say it offends you, say you wish they wouldn’t speak like that. How else will this person ever know to stop, unless someone they care about pulls them up on it? This can help them think deeply and even change their opinions. You may get caught in an argument if you speak up – racists don’t tend to take kindly to being called out – in which case, calmly stand your ground. If you feel like you’re in danger, remove yourself from the situation. Below are some helpful resources:
https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/people/how-to-deal-with-racist-people
https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-deal-with-racist-friends-in-school
https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/59nz5z/how-to-deal-with-friends-family-who-are-racist-sexist-or-bigoted
https://itstopswithme.humanrights.gov.au/respond-racism
https://www.amnesty.org.au/tell-someone-love-theyre-racist/
Hope this helps,
Srija