How do I leave my abusive relationship? I'm absolutely terrified of him and everytime I try, things just get worse. I've lost friends and family members because of his erratic and unpredictable behavior and because of how quickly he deems people "unforgivable".
I'm sick of getting called terrible names and abused all the time. I really appreciate your help.
Hi love,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It takes significant courage to reach out for help, so I want to thank you for sharing your story. No one deserves to feel unsafe in any relationship. It’s great that you’re aware of how his behavior has been affecting you and that you realize this is a dangerous situation. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with love, kindness, and respect. Remember that this is not your fault. Leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult, but always know that we’re here to support and help in any way we can.
There are people and resources available to help you get out of this situation safely; you are not alone in this. An important first step toward leaving this relationship may involve creating a safety plan. This is a personalized plan that can help you stay safe and hopefully avoid any dangerous outbursts from your partner. This may include having a word or phrase you can use to ask someone you trust for help, making a list of items you can bring with you in an emergency, or even thinking of public places you can safely end the relationship. The National Domestic Violence Hotline website provides an interactive safety plan guide that might be useful for you. You can find that here: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan/.
Another step in leaving and avoiding being put in danger is to surround yourself with a safe network of people who love and care about you. This might also mean reconnecting with the friends and family you lost during the isolation he inflicted. It can be scary to reach out again after everything that happened, but it’s important to be honest and vulnerable with those you feel comfortable reconnecting with. You should also reflect on how this relationship has affected you, which can make it easier to speak to others about what you’ve been through and why you’ve been out of touch. You could also build a new network by joining a club, organization, or support group. This way you’ll be able to meet people that can offer help in the future if you need it. The Hotline has a few tips on how to rebuild support after isolation: https://shorturl.at/ruM37.
It’s important that you prioritize yourself, emotionally and physically, while you navigate this situation. I would also strongly encourage you to reach out to a therapist or counselor if you can to address any trauma you may feel after you leave. Healing is not linear; it’s a process, and taking it one step at a time is okay. Please do not hesitate to reach out to Asking Jude again if you’re in need of additional support. You will get through this.
Below you’ll find a few links that may be helpful during this journey.
How to leave an abusive relationship and not go back: https://shorturl.at/vyFM8
Directories and local resources: https://shorturl.at/iAO39; https://shorturl.at/gtGLQ
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
Stay strong,
Mikayla