Hi I’ve been feeling a certain way towards a friend recently and I don’t know what to do. I have keep having a feeling of insincerity and resentment from them. It makes me mad it makes me feel like like a second thought to them and I’m only relevant to them if I’m in front of them at that second. It makes me feel lesser than because they treat their other friends with more attention and attentiveness. I don’t wanna have to chase them down because why should I. It feels like they don’t think most of the time and I have to fill in the blanks for them it’s kinda of annoying I don’t wanna have to think for someone who entering adulthood. I feel like this isn’t fair to me because I would usually think of them of consider them but I don’t receive the same and I’m questioning if this friendship is genuinely worth my time anymore.
top of page
bottom of page
Hey love,
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this difficult situation and thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude!
I would first recommend sharing how you feel, if comfortable, with your friend. Although it may be uncomfortable, your friend might be unaware of how they are making you feel, so communicating your emotions may help with the situation.
Here is an article that discusses how to effectively discuss your feelings with others: https://www.psychcompany.com/2019/productively-communicating-your-feelings/. Having an open and honest discussion is a great first step in explaining your needs in the friendship and finding a solution to any tensions between you two.
This article provides some more tips on resolving friendship conflicts, compromise, and good communication tactics: https://socialskillscenter.com/ways-to-resolve-conflict-with-a-friend/#:~:text=Open%20and%20Honest%20Communication%3A%20Communication,can%20escalate%20the%20conflict%20further.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking with your friend, having someone trusted you can talk to can help you sort out the situation and better grasp how to approach resolving it. This can include a different friend or family member, or a therapist is another great option where you can also discuss any other conflicts or things you may want to share. Here is a link for a resource to find therapists near you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists.
Another option is to express yourself privately which can be done through journaling. Journaling helps with anxiety and stress relief as well as a comforting way to avoid suppressing emotions that you want to release. This resource explains more about what journaling is and how it may be helpful for your situation https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=.
All friendships have ups and downs, so what you’re experiencing is very normal. However, if you feel like your relationship with this person is negatively impacting your mental health or an open discussion doesn’t result in any solutions, it is perfectly okay to express the need to distance yourself from the situation. If there is little reciprocation or a grave lack of support, then it is completely understandable to take some time and space to both reflect on the situation and even potentially give your friend whatever time they may need to better understand how you want to be treated as a friend.
I hope this information was helpful and we are here for you always. So, please don’t hesitate to reach out again, you got this!
Love,
Jordan <3