I know you have a platform to ask questions on. But I hope it's okay for me to message you on here. I've been dealing with a situation for over a year. It's a very complicated situation. But the backstory doesn't really matter to what's going on for the past year. I've been stalked and followed. The only thing is I don't have actual proof. But I have been told from a mutual person. I don't really feel like getting the law involved. But is there anything I can do? I can't afford to get my car repainted because I have a very unique color and it's kind of spotted out in crowds of other cars. I've literally have changed my appearance. I've cut my hair and dyed it. I even have changed the style of my clothes. I feel like I'm always on the run. I keep social media very private. The reason why I'm being followed and stalked is because the person that I was seeing wasn't truthful that they were in a relationship. So their partner is now after me. Not after the person I was seeing. They like want revenge and it's very crazy because in the past few months they have messaged my family that has nothing to do with me about what had happened. And luckily I was able to delete the messages. But I hate that I always feel like I'm being watched even when I'm not. I've dealt with this kind of behavior from someone in my past. But I feel like it's never going to get better. It's been a year and they still are after me. I don't think that they would hurt me violently. But I really don't know what they want from me. We've never even spoken one word to each other. No one knows what I'm dealing with and I don't have any friends that I can ask for help with. But any advice would really help.
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I am so sorry to hear that you have been dealing with this situation for so long. Stalking is a very serious behavior and should always be taken seriously. It is important to remember that this is not your fault. You did not ask for this. Sometimes, this just happens. What is even more important is your safety. People who stalk can be unpredictable, so please, keep an eye on your surroundings.
Here is some information on stalking and potential ways to combat it: https://victimconnect.org/learn/types-of-crime/stalking/. One tip that I think will be very helpful is documenting each instance of stalking—whether that’s anonymous phone calls, them showing up where you are, or sending friends and family messages. Document dates and times, so you have a record of it. Eventually, you may have to get the law involved, so documenting each instance will help them help you.
Another tip I think will help you out is being vocal about it. Tell trusted people in your life what is going on. I know you don't have any friends you can turn to for help, but you can at least tell friends and family what is going on in case anything happens. The more people who know, the better. It may be a good idea to tell those family members that this person has tried to message them.
Similarly, you should try to change your schedule. It sounds like you’ve changed a lot already--your clothes, your hair--but changing your schedule will make it harder for this person to stalk you.
Moreover, try not to travel alone or at night. If you have to, let someone close to you (not a mutual of the stalker) know where you are going. Here are some tips on how to be safe in other aspects of your life: https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-tips/safety-tips-stalking-victims. If this person has your number, you may need to change it, so they can no longer contact you.
I know you don’t want to get the law involved, but that seems to be your best option to me. A year is a long time to stalk someone. Here are some more safety tips you may find useful: https://www.stalkingawareness.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Safety-Strategies.pdf. One tip that stands out to me is cutting off all contact from all suspected connections. You said that a mutual informed you of the stalking. I would consider ceasing communication with anyone who has a connection with this stalker immediately.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but if you need anything at all, we at Asking Jude are here.