Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out about this. I’m sorry that your feelings are so hurt. It’s hard to move on, and it’s hard to cry. You aren’t alone in that, especially when we are often told that crying is weak. It most certainly is not and is one of the healthiest ways that we can cope with sadness and other strong emotions.

Unexpressed romantic feelings can be incredibly difficult to cope with and step back from. You recognize that you have some work to do, and that is the first step. This situation is difficult because you are friends and likely see each other often, so it’s important to remember that the best and most important thing that you can do is take care of yourself at this time. Be realistic and give yourself the space to grieve the loss of what you wanted.

Do things for you, like going out with other friends or spending some time outside. Try to reframe the things that spark your romantic feelings so that you begin to view them as positive aspects of your friendship, rather than something romantic.

Here are some resources to help you with the process of moving on:

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-get-over-a-crush#perspective

https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/dealing-with-unrequited-love/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201502/6-ways-get-past-the-pain-unrequited-love

Because you have gotten used to bottling up your emotions, it may be helpful to start with an emotional expression that isn’t so outright. An example of this is journaling. By writing what you are feeling and writing about the situation, you don’t have to physically express anything, but you are still giving an outlet to your emotions. You don’t even have to keep your writing afterward. Journaling will also help you process this situation better and help you start the process of moving on. Here are some resources that will help you with the process of expressing your sadness:

https://www.mhanational.org/helpful-vs-harmful-ways-manage-emotions

https://www.kansashealthsystem.com/health-resources/turning-point/programs/resilience-toolbox/emotional-expression/how-do-i-use-emotional-expression

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-process-feelings-without-slipping-into-rumination-3144935

https://www.recoveryfromaddictiononline.com/how-to-process-emotions-and-feelings/

If your emotions about this situation worsen or get in the way of life activities, it might also be worth talking to a therapist. Therapists aren’t just there if you are experiencing extreme mental health issues. They are there to help you learn about your emotions and process stressful and hurtful situations. If you feel stuck, try reaching out. Here are some resources that could help you locate a therapist:

https://openpathcollective.org/- low-cost therapy options

https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/online-counseling/

I hope that this helps you overcome this situation.

Best wishes,

Mikaela