Trigger Warning: The following content contains topics related to underage sexual violence.
I had sex with some internet stranger when I was 15, he was in his late thirties. I just wanted my dad's attention. The sex was meaningless and nothing bad, nothing good. Later on I thought about it and realized he actually abused a minor. But is it still rape if it was a completely forgettable and void experience for me? I don't feel anything in particular towards it. I feel guilty about all the girls who were scarred for life and yet here I am, thinking oh I had random sex as a teenager, was it rape?
Hello there,
Everyone deals with things differently, so don't feel guilty that your response to your experience is less severe than others in similar circumstances. Please, know that however you choose to feel about your situation is valid, and some avenues offer help and support should you ever need it:
https://www.rainn.org/resources
https://www.nsvrc.org
At 15, an individual is still considered a minor, and regardless of consent, this man was more than twice your age and should have known better than to lay a hand on you. He saw a vulnerable teen and took that as an opportunity to take advantage of you. He was wrong because even with consent, your age is a huge contributing factor.
It's a misconception that rape is always violent. It's not. Rape is any sexual advance that happens when an individual cannot say no, is threatened into complying, or is under age. This is your case. You did consent, but the age of consent in the USA (if not in the USA, this age limit will differ by country) is 16-18. Common law declares that statutory rape is non-forcible sexual activity in which one of the individuals is below the age of consent. Below, I have listed a couple of websites that dive deeper into the matter should you want more information:
https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/sexual-abuse-and-exploitation/sexual-assault-rape/basic-info/what-statutory
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape
I’m not sure whether this took place recently or not, but there’s no time limit for the confusion or anxiety that you might have about this situation. Always remember that the resources listed above are there for any questions or concerns that arise. I would also suggest speaking to family or friends. Communication with others is important to know you're not alone. You mentioned your father. Depending on the state of your relationship, consider sitting down and relaying how the strain between the two of you impacted you. By bringing to light what happened, the two of you might find a way to remedy any struggles that reside in the relationship.
I would also consider reaching out to the internet platform that you met this man on. He clearly has no regard for the well-being of others. If you’re comfortable, consider reporting his account, so he doesn't continue preying on other underage individuals. But reporting is entirely up to you, and you certainly don't have to.
Thank you so much for reaching out, and my thoughts are with you.
xx Selena