Since I was a kid, I've witnessed violent abuse between my parents. When I came out as a lesbian at about 12 or 13 years old, I was hit and threatened with being thrown out on the streets. When I expressed my feelings of possibly being a transgender man about 5 years later (something else that just haunts me because I have so many conflicting feelings about my gender), my parent, the good, understanding, kind-hearted parent, molested me and justified it by saying they wanted to know how I would masturbate and have sex if I transitioned. Then I was kicked out 2 weeks later and was homeless for almost a year. Now I have my own apartment, I'm getting an education, and I'm doing alright financially and shelter wise, but I'm still in complete agony. I've talked to one therapist who was amazing but convinced me that my only way to happiness is antidepressants. I was open to the idea of medication, but I don't think I would ever be able to afford to get on them. I want to be happy. I want to do well in college, I want a meaningful career, I want to feel like a person and connect to others like a normal person would, but nothing about me is normal. I'm 19, nearing 20, but I feel emotionally stunted. People say I'm immature, act childish, and don't really socialize with me because of it. I just want to fix myself. I'm not really sure what my question is, I just know I'm in pain and I'm not sure what to do.