Hello and thank you in advance
I'm struggling to make friends because I don't talk a lot. I'm constantly telling myself i need to change.
But honestly, when others talk about mundane stuff I'm easily annoyed. They don't have to tell me obvious things, I think. I feel like all the noise is burrying the meaningful. Or when I'm bored by a conversation, even think it's a waste of time, how do I deal with that?
But when I'm with other introverts, it's hard to get a conversation going.
In conclusion I'm blaming the extroverts, blaming myself, blaming the introverts...
I'm already meeting a lot of people and it makes me sad that my efforts aren't working.
Hi,
can i ask for advice again because I dont like my school/college situation:
(I'm in Germany, here it's like that: we're at school for 1 week, then we work at a company for two weeks and then it repeats. We graduate after 3 years.)
20 guys in my class work at the same company, I'm the only girl and I work at a different company.
That one week in school, almost everyone naturally talks with someone, and i feel bad not being included.
Today morning I walked into the room with 5 classmates already there. Three from "my part" of the room were talking about their supervisors and i just sat down after saying hi, the class filled up, it got louder, the first two lessons got cancelled, and i sat there for 2 hours feeling like I'm weird.
I wouldnt join a conversation because im SO afraid of them not wanting me to join. But for example they sometimes talk to me when they feel like it, asking me today if i like horses or if i have an instagram account, because searching up my name there brings up horse pictures. Or they asked me if I know a specific trashy tv show. I actually recently watched a different dating show on the same channel but thats just coming up in my mind now. See, my brain is slow with answers, or maybe even so wired to exclude myself, maybe with someone close to me i wouldve brought up my show.
.... Dunno
Thank you for reading this
Jesse
This is in response to your first post. We'll respond to your second soon! Thanks:
Hey love,
Thank you so much for reaching out to Asking Jude. I am sorry to hear you are going through this.
First, I want to provide you with a resource that talks a little bit about connecting with others: https://www.wellandgood.com/how-to-connect-with-people/. I would recommend trying to make friends by finding other people that have similar interests to you. Whether it’s art, exercise, or music, you can potentially join a club or organization for people with those interests. This could give you a nice conversation starter and hopefully help you find people you can truly connect with on a deeper level. I would definitely encourage you to get involved in your community and also to not be afraid to try new things! Being open to new opportunities and getting to know new people can help you find friendships even in unexpected places :)
Being shy and introverted is totally normal and I promise you that so many other people feel intimidated in trying to form new connections. It can often feel uncomfortable and awkward at first, but those other people are experiencing the same thing, so don’t worry! I would also encourage you to try and start conversations with others if you feel comfortable. Sometimes putting yourself out there even just a little bit can help those around you feel more comfortable too and spark conversation :) .
Forming new connections and friendships takes time, so it is important to be kind, understanding and patient with yourself. Here is a good article for learning more tips for making new friends: https://personalexcellence.co/blog/new-friends/.
You got this! I hope you found some of this information helpful, and please, don’t hesitate to reach out again whenever needed– we are here for you!
Love,
Jordan Sadan <3
I've already wondered if I'm too fast to judge, yeah.
At vocational college/school I don't know what to say often enough. The person next to me is nice and not outgoing. I make my remarks at times but we're nowhere near friends because he also has closer friends sitting there. Do I tell him any unasked for story?
It's also harder when you have your established character in class. I talk a bit to a another group of people (walking home with them) but the people in this group also know each other so much better than I know them. Awkward to stand around when you're not in the loop with their topic too.
Then I have an internship/work (in public transport). I tried to pay attention to comments that throw me off today. These are examples from today, maybe not the best.... but: "We'll drive type A today. " (It doesn't make a difference which type we drive), "This is the oncoming line. " (while pointing at another line) and "This vehicle works nicely today. ".... These are all things that I don't think have anything to reply to so they all make me uncomfortably feel like "the quiet person" ....
That's what I can think of right now.
Thanks for reading and take care, JesseJesse
Hey, JesseJesse, just wondering about whether or not this is taking in school, outside of school, at work, after work. Do you find that you're quick to pass judgment on people in general -- and especially on the people you work with, the people you go to school with? The Peer Counselors here at Asking Jude can offer guidance about that. Any details that you're willing to share, here? I used to be defensive about the label introvert. Now, at my age, I don't really have a problem with being outgoing; it's not difficult for me at all. But in my late 'teens and through most of my 20w, I was an introvert...
Hi, @JesseJesse ! Thank you so much for reaching out to Asking Jude! We're sorry to hear you're going through this. One of our peer counsellors, Rebecca, will get back to you shortly. Until then, stay strong!