Am I the problem?
So, I always have struggled to make friends (I have the little suspect that maybe I have social anxiety) the thing is... A few years ago I used to have a friend, at that time I was a total mess, I was pretty depressed and this friend used to say "You are just sad for nothing" or "How will I help you if you are only crying?!" well, I think that maybe that's the reason why I'm so insecure now about showing my feelings to other people.
Years after that I meet a person online and I legit thought we where doing fine, we used to talk everyday, make jokes and even make future plans together. That person just stopped talking to me without saying anything like eight months ago and now I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the problem? I mean, a part of me thinks that is only bad luck but I just can't stop thinking that maybe I'm a bad friend and that's the reason why people just suddenly stop talking to me...
First, I’d like to apologize to you. You were mishandled when dealing with your emotions. A lot of people don’t understand that there isn’t always a reason for certain feelings. A lot of people don’t know how to handle that sort of thing, and sometimes—a lot of the time, actually—we say the wrong things. This does not justify the suffering you had to undergo because of it. I am sorry that you were made to feel that expressing your emotions is a negative thing. Having a difficult time does not make you a bad friend—it makes you human. Here are some tips on making lifelong friends: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-secrets-making-lifelong-friends.html. Keep in mind that you don’t have to do all of these things. I think the most important tips on this list are saying yes to connecting, being curious, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is not something that comes naturally to people, especially if you’ve been hurt. Here is some information on the importance of being vulnerable: https://sync.org/how-to-be-more-vulnerable/. It is hard to be vulnerable if you do not trust someone. Start small. Confide in someone you trust with a small detail. In order to build trust, you have to give some away from time to time. In turn, a friend will confide in you, too.
Going through a hard time does not make you a bad friend. It definitely doesn’t mean that you deserve any form of mistreatment. You are deserving of love, acceptance, and support. If you ever feel depressed again, here are some tips that can help you: https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression/tips. I find that keeping a schedule can be very helpful. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself—get enough sleep, eat regularly, and stay hydrated. The right people will come into yiour life.
Hang in there,