Hello there! I have a situation that may be a little difficult to explain, but I will try my best.
So back in 2019, I was in a relationship with somebody and I decided that I didn't wish to continue the relationship anymore and I would have hoped they understood. We were on "good terms" afterwards for a while until I noticed they were secretly targeting me for jokes in front of our mutual friends, and even straight up talked behind my back. I found out that he was upset for being left, even though I was under the impression that he was ok with still being friends. I officially broke off our platonic relationship afterwards and moved on.
About 3 years later, I found myself in a deeply similar situation with an ex-friend. They exhibited the same behaviors my ex did that made me deeply uncomfortable. They would text me at odd hours of the day and then get upset when I didn't respond right away. They would also constantly deny being upset by anything when asked, and always had this strange passive aggressive tone to their voice. I felt threatened as more of more of their behavior reminded me of my ex, so in a fit of anxiety I cut them off.
I'll admit that cutting them off without warning wasn't the right thing to do, and at least I talked to my ex-partner about it first, but I would soon learn that my (ex)friend would react the same way my ex did—talking behind my back and making me the center of jokes. And even trying to paint me as the bad guy when I directly told them I didn't feel comfortable with how high maintenance and boundary breaking our friendship was.
It makes me wonder...am I doing anything to attract toxicity? Am *I* the problem? Or was I simply unlucky enough to have lighting strike twice?