It's become more and more apparent that I don't know how to deal with compliments. Logically I can understand that when people give you a compliment it's usually because they have that opinion of you. And when 20 people - a lot of them not having any connection to each other other than having known you to some extent - give you the same compliment... it SHOULD be true. Surely they could not all be lying - and yet individually come up with the same lie. Even still... it feels like they're describing someone else. It feels like they're describing who I want to be rather than who I am. I wish I could see that version of me. Because the person THEY see are seem pretty great. And yet I can't seem to connect it with me.
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Hey there,
It sounds like you’re having a difficult time, and I’m sorry for that. You are not alone in how you feel—I know of several people who find it hard to believe in the positive things that others have to say about themselves. It can be challenging when you feel like people see one version of you, while you feel like another. You may feel as if the compliments are undeserved. Something that may help you change your viewpoint of yourself is changing how you think. I know that this sounds easier said than done, but over time, the way you think can make a world of difference. Here are some tips on how to think positvely about yourself: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950. Would you talk to others the way you talk to yourself? If the answer is no, then this is a good place to start. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the space to grow and learn—the same way you give others the same space.
The feeling that you are describing is called dissociation. Basically, you are feeling a separation from who people are seeing, and how you feel. That can be really frustrating, and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself about how you think you should feel. Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you are feeling. Focus on them and gaining a deeper understanding of where they are coming from and why. Keep in mind that you’re not alone. Here is some information about dissociation: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/about-dissociation/. I think that being honest with your friends and loved ones about how you’ve been feeling could really help. Just talking about how you’ve been feeling can make a world of difference. Everyone needs support and acceptance.
I understand that not everyone has the same support system. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to loved ones, or you don’t feel safe confiding in them, please seek a counselor. A counselor can be a great ally, and will help you build a support system. If you aren’t sure where to start, that’s okay. You can speak to your doctor about resources in your area. If you feel more comfortable doing this on your own, I recommend http://www.psychologytoday.com. It is where I found my own counselor. I love that you can search by location and subject. Support groups online can also be a wonderful place to feel surrounded by like-minded people. They may be able to offer some insight to what you are going through, too.
Keep your head up,
Andrea
Hey, @Evie Lason ! I'm so, so sorry for the delay. This week has been absolutely hectic for me, and I'm still in the process of allocating responsibilities to new interns (because of my change in schedule).
You will have a response by tomorrow morning! Once again, my sincere apologies for this delay! It won't happen again.
To thank you for your patience, we are now offering video- or audio-called based counselling. I'd be more than happy to schedule you in for a free session to make up for our delays.
I hope that helps. Until then, stay strong!
Hi, @Evie Lason ! Thank you so much for reaching out to Asking Jude. One of our peer counsellors, Jordan, will answer you shortly.
Hey, Evie! I am a member, here, not a psychologist or psychiatrist or a peer counselor. The question I have to ask you is: "What does it mean to believe in yourself?" I think if you were to present yourself to a psychiatrist about this, he or she would ask you that question. I am guessing that you are in your late teens or early 20s. The more that you accomplish things in your life, the more you will believe in yourself. The more that you believe in yourself, a compliment will be something that you appreciate. I hope that a peer counselor will get back to you about this and give you some more detailed information to consider...