Hi love,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this conflict. It sounds like you are in a serious relationship, which has lasted for seven months, and you are in love with this boy; however, you also want to explore other options before being fully committed to him. This is completely valid, considering you are 16, and this is your first relationship. It’s okay not knowing what to do, and you can take as long as you need to figure it out.

You mentioned that he wants to be in a long-term relationship, have kids, and get married. Is that what you want also? Can you see yourself being fully committed to this boy at your age and marrying him one day? Is he worth the next couple of years of your life?

Do you think you are too young to be dating for marriage? At your age, exploring is normal. Even if you are in love with him and want to be with him, do you have to think that far ahead and be committed to dating for marriage and kids right now?

If you aren’t sure, maybe try taking a break from the relationship, explore, and find out what you are looking for. Is it to have someone in your life to keep you company? What kind of person will make your soul happier? Who do you see yourself with? Where do you want to go in life? Does your boyfriend compliment that goal? These are all questions to ask yourself when trying to figure out what to do. If he loves you, I’m sure he will come back to you if it’s meant to be. It’s okay to take a break if you need to figure things out. Maybe now the timing isn’t right. It’s okay to let go and explore.

I think it would be good to talk to someone about all this so you can get your thoughts together. If you think about this all by yourself, it might get overwhelming. Whether it is a friend, family member, or someone you trust, talking about your feelings and what’s going on in your life can be beneficial to you and help you come up with ideas for how to deal with this. A therapist can also help you with anything.

If you decide to take a break from him, think about what you would want to say to him and how you will express yourself before approaching him. Doing a role-play of what you want to say to him before speaking to him--meaning practicing what you would want to say in the mirror or with someone you know, can help make you more comfortable when discussing it. Here is a blog with some tips that are applicable to you:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201903/i-love-my-partner-could-there-be-someone-better

Check out Asking Jude’s YouTube channel to find some helpful videos: https://www.youtube.com/c/AskingJude

I wish you the best of luck, and whatever choice you make is okay! Please don’t hesitate to reach out for further guidance.

Hugs,

Maayan