I'm 16 for the UK, and I'm doing my GCSE exams this year. I feel this is important because I know all of my friends, and myself, are busy studying. However I also think it's still important to make time to hang out with friends to relax as well as a way of supporting each other. Every time we leave school everyone says we should meet up but for months now every time I ask my primary friend group if anyone is free and wants to hang out they all say they're busy. And when I ask when people are free everyone says they have to revise, ect (although I know that lots of them aren't revising from social media) . 24/7. They all have younger parents than me and siblings at home (my parents are in their 60s and my only sister is a lot older and lives 5 to 6 hours away) so I end up feeling quite isolated and lonely. I don't know how to explain this to them in a way they'll understand more than I've already tried. Everyone else is the year group manage to balance work and being social.
My mental health hasn't been amazing recently, but I always try to be kind and considerate and I can't think of anything I do that might make people want to avoid me either?
What can I do?
Hi! I’d be more than happy to help you through this.
I just want to start by saying that it’s great you’re prioritizing your studies! Test-taking can be incredibly stressful, especially if you’ve been feeling distant from your friends recently.
You’re absolutely right that taking breaks and hanging out with your friends can be a great way to relieve some stress and recharge during exam season. I’m sorry to hear that your friends have not been so proactive in maintaining a connection throughout this time. I think you’re doing a great job of being empathetic with the situation that everyone is in right now. There are, however, a few things you should think about before we go on.
One thing to consider is whether there are other ways to connect with your friends that aren’t in person. Have your friends tried setting up a FaceTime or video call, for example? This could be a great way to catch up and socialize without having to physically be in the same place. I know there are many websites that you can use to stream movies, shows, and videos with others virtually (https://www.teleparty.com; https://www.watchparty.me).
Remember that all of your friends are in the exact same boat as you when it comes to managing socializing and study time. People manage and prioritize their time differently in these stressful situations. Try to understand your friends' priorities and schedules. It's possible that they are feeling overwhelmed with their own workload and might not know how to balance their free time outside of studying. Because of this, don't take this personally!
Instead, try asking them directly when they’ll be free to get together. Encourage your friends to take breaks during their study sessions and do something fun together, even if it's just for a short time. Have you tried suggesting you all study together? If everyone is struggling to balance studying and socializing, setting up a study group can create a space where you can all work together and hang out at the same time.
You can also focus on reaching out to other people who may have a more flexible or similar schedule. Is there someone you maybe fell out of touch with and could reconnect with over your upcoming GCSEs?
Additionally, you can use your free time to do whatever else you might enjoy. I know you’d probably rather spend that time with your primary friend group, but if your friends are unable to make time for you, it's okay to spend time alone or find other social activities that interest you.
I completely understand that you might be feeling a little upset by your friends posting to social media even though they tell you they’re busy studying. Have you tried talking to them directly about how you feel? It might be helpful to have an honest conversation with your friends about the way you’ve been feeling lately. When you’re comfortable, tell them that you feel left out. Saying something like, “I know we're all busy with school right now, but I feel like I'm missing out on spending time with my friends,” can help open up the conversation and allow your friends to understand how you're feeling. Try not to make assumptions and give them the benefit of the doubt. Similarly, ask them how they've been managing their time and if they'd be willing to set aside some time to hang out.
This article provides tips on how to express to a friend that they have upset you without making things awkward: https://tinyurl.com/4fkv4y4h.
It can be hard when our personal lives don't align with those of our friends'. Let them know that while you understand they may not fully understand what being at home is like for you right now, it’s important to you that you have your friends by your side to connect with. True friends will make an effort to understand and support you, even if they don't fully relate to your situation. If you feel like you've already tried explaining your feelings to your friends, but they still don't seem to understand, maybe try a different approach. Try giving them examples of times you’ve missed them and how you felt during that time -- without being accusatory. This approach can help them understand the way their actions have made you feel and may encourage them to be more empathetic towards your situation. If they still don't seem receptive, it may be time to reconsider your relationship with them. It's important to prioritize your own mental health and well-being, even if it means taking a step back from certain friendships.
I know it may seem like everyone else is getting by so much easier than you must be, but it’s important to remember that everyone is going through their own challenges. Try not to compare yourself to others as it’s not fair to yourself. You don’t need to put additional pressure on yourself! The most you can do is be open and honest with your friends right now. Try not to immediately blame yourself or think that you are the problem. You deserve support and understanding from your friends. If they truly care about you, they will be there for you and work with you to find a solution that works for everyone!
I hope I was able to help you deal with this situation a little better. If you’re interested, I found a few resources I think you’d find helpful.
This article provides tips and advice on how to prioritize mental health during the stressful period of exam revision. It covers topics such as time management, self-care, and seeking support: https://tinyurl.com/4h9bvn33.
This article provides advice on how to cope with feeling left out and maintain a healthy relationship with social media: https://tinyurl.com/9z45hwzp.
This article talks about different reasons why people might not want to hang out and what you can do about it. I recommend reading the second section (linked below) as it might be helpful in understanding why your friends might not be giving you clear answers: https://tinyurl.com/yw6uwaab.
If you don’t feel like your relationship with your friends has improved well enough after taking the time to work on it, then this article provides guidance on how to end a friendship in a healthy and respectful way: https://tinyurl.com/yea9pcjw.
I hope everything works out and good luck with your exams! Thanks for reaching out!
Mikayla