Hi Jude! My friendships have been falling apart lately and I’m kinda feeling lonely and betrayed. I don’t know whether it’s something in me that’s driving them off or they just don’t deserve me. Some I cut them off for feeling like not fitting in and forcing the connection. Others just don’t put in much effort like they used to and I honestly can’t keep going without mutual effort. There is this one friend that was almost like a sister to me. We’ve been super close for many years but then it started to feel like the effort is one sided, I explained to her how that made me feel and she apologized and promised she’ll work on it, but nothing changed... I naturally hate chasing people but it was very painful for me to admit this. Now I feel like I can’t let anyone in anymore I’ve been hurt enough and its making me a very boring sad person that i don’t want to be.
Also, Do u believe in closures or know how to find them? Because I don’t. I get deeply attached in every friendship I make and that makes me think twice before I let anyone one in. I have this ex friend I keep having dreams of 5 years later even when I cut out all possible triggers!