Its a bit of a long story, but bear with me.
Basically I grew up in a family where family tradition and stories and inherited items and recepies have always been very important. I've been raised to have a closed bond with my family both past and present, and to value our family and its history.
The only problem is I know next to nothing of my maternal grandfathers past and family and have a hard time delaing with the juxtaposition. Clearly, his personal lifee has been chambles. My mother is youngest of five. He had little contact with the other four in my mother's childhood, and only slightly more as they all got older. At his funeral it was revealed his oldest three children never knew about his other daughter, after my mother accidentally told them that "their other sister sends her condolensces" when she didn't make it to the funeral.
Anyhow, the few stories from my grandfathers past I've heard are sad. He was a wild child & broke both his feet among other things. He was placed with another family for a few years when his family couldn't afford an apartment big enough. He had a little sister but clearly never had any contact with her in his later years as my mother said that "she didn't have the energy to make a hassle for someone she didn't know" regarding attending her funeral (whether my grandfather attended I never knew).
What really has been the kicker that got me in a tailspin is I work in a hospital. And while looking for a patient in the patient lists, I stumbled across another patient with my grandfather's last name. His family choose the name themselves and as far as I know she has to be related to my grandfather. Of course I didn't open her file or anything, just saw the name, but it really bothers me. There's all these people out there who are some typ eof family that I don't know and I don't know why I don't know. If I at least understood what happened between my grandfather and his family I'd have answers. It goes against everything I've been taught about family and I just feel this horrible feeling of...upset, longing, want, curiousity...I don't know what to do with it.