A while ago I introduced my boyfriend to my favorite piece of media ever. He liked it and we didn't talk much about it and that was that. But all of a sudden, turns out, my favorite thing ever may have become a special interest of his, and he seems way more into it than me. I know I should be happy for him but for some reason I am completely devastated. This used to be my thing. The thing I loved more than anyone else ever could. And suddenly someone else loves it more. I don't know what to do about any of this. I want to be supportive of him and his interests but it feels like he took this thing away from me.
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Hi there! Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude.
I completely understand your feelings of disappointment regarding someone finding interest in a subject that was once uniquely yours. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay that you don’t know how to process them yet. It’s natural to feel attached to the things we enjoy, and when someone takes an interest in something we like, it can be a jarring experience where feeling annoyed or territorial is completely natural. It's important to acknowledge your emotions rather than trying to suppress or ignore them.
Are consistently upset when someone else shares your interests? You might try exploring what triggers these feelings. You may feel afraid of losing that important facet of your identity or losing control over the perception of your favorite things. Reflecting on these underlying feelings can help you find ways to be more open and accepting of others' enjoyment of your interests.
Here is a video on guided meditation that can reduce stress and help you identify what triggers these feelings of jealousy: https://tinyurl.com/cx9rau35.
As relationships grow and evolve, it’s expected that interests or shared hobbies evolve as well. This process of change does not have to be a negative experience. If you feel a deep or special connection to this media, try to remember that your boyfriend also finding an interest in it does not diminish or minimize your unique relationship to it. Try to view this situation in a positive light, even if you don’t know how to act on it yet. For example, try appreciating the fact that you now have someone to talk to about it. This new shared interest can create a whole new world of conversation and connection between you and your boyfriend. Have you two tried sharing your thoughts about the media before? You may find new aspects of it that you would have never realized before. While it can be difficult to let go of the idea that something was once "yours," it's important to remember that you and your boyfriend are a team, and that includes supporting each other’s interests and passions.
Give this article a read if you find yourself struggling with change in your relationship: https://tinyurl.com/3rz3mvht.
Also, if you’re having trouble with feelings of jealousy, follow these steps to help you work through them: https://tinyurl.com/2mdsry97.
Here, you will find information on becoming more open minded and the benefits that accompany it. The article also offers practical tips and advice on how to broaden your perspective, even on ideas you are passionate about, and improve your ability to empathize.
One way empathy can be expressed effectively in a relationship is through open and honest discussion. Communication is vital to all relationships, and it's important to have productive conversations with your partner about your feelings. Let your boyfriend know how you are feeling and why this shared interest is important to you. Try sharing your thoughts and feelings about the media, such as why you love it, what it means to you, or important memories attached to it. Express your concerns and fears about sharing this interest with your partner. Informing your boyfriend of your emotions allows him to better understand you and work towards a solution that works for both of you. Remember that relationships involve compromise and understanding, and by being open and communicative, you can strengthen your bond and grow together. These two articles offer tips and strategies for improving communication: (This article also includes a few videos of the same information near the end of each section).
If sharing this media is ultimately not for you, that is also completely understandable. If you feel like your partner's interest in your favorite media is affecting your relationship in a negative way, it may be helpful to set boundaries. For example, you could agree to limit the amount of time you talk about the media or agree to watch or read it separately to avoid conflict. Remember that you can’t stop him from enjoying it, but it can help to minimize the impact this issue has been having on you and your relationship. Consider trying new activities or exploring new hobbies together. This can be a great way to share experiences and discover new interests that you can both enjoy without feeling like you’re impeding on one another’s personal space. It's healthy to have independence in relationships.
I hope you found this helpful and continue to work on your relationship. If you have more questions or require additional advice, please do not hesitate to reach out again.
Best of luck, Mikayla