Hi there,

I’m sorry to hear that you have been having issues with your friend. Friendship problems can be some of the most difficult to navigate, especially when they involve romantic feelings as this one does. Just because this person has feelings for you and wants to be your friend, doesn’t mean that they are entitled to be. You are in full control of who you let into your life, and you are not a toxic person for not wanting to be friends with this person.

You should approach this situation healthily and maturely. There are many ways to cut people off that may be easier than having a conversation and telling them that you don’t want to be their friend. Still, these ways will often result in really negative situations and may have consequences if you and this person have other shared friends.

The first healthy way that you can end this friendship is through a conversation. You should be open and honest with the other person, but you don’t need to go into details. Simply telling them that your life is heading in a different direction or that you don’t feel as though the two of you are a good fit anymore are great ways to do this. If you are worried about offending this person, you can make sure to use “I” statements, such as “I am in a different place now, and because of that, I feel like we aren’t a good fit.” This way, the focus of the conversation remains on how you are feeling without accidentally placing blame on the other person. You can try to soften the message by adding a comment about how you appreciated the friendship and companionship while it lasted, but remember to remain firm in your goal to end the relationship.

Here are some tips on using “I” statements, including some practice that you can use:

https://compassioncoach.com/blog/when-use-i-statements#:~:text=Use%20an%20%22I%22%20statement%20when,be%20simple%20and%20%22CLEAR%22.

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/words-matter-you-vs-i/

https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/i-st

Here are some resources about forming healthy friendships and aspects of healthy relationships:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm

https://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201809/6-rules-healthy-friendships

I hope you can communicate how you are feeling with this person healthily and productively.

Best wishes,

Mikaela