Someone new has joined my friend group here on tumblr, and while I enjoyed having her around at first, something about her rubs me the wrong way now. She clearly favors the other friends in the group over me, and I kind of feel like she's trying to replace me. I'm scared but hesitant to talk to anyone about it because I don't want to seem like I'm being oversensitive or jealous, but I'm usually right when I feel uneasy about someone like this. What do I do?
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Hi love,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. Change can be rough, especially when it is in a group that you have established for a long time. Everyone in the group has settled into a role and are quite comfortable and a sudden change in the group can shake up the group dynamics. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being wary of a person.
People often run into others who they automatically develop a dislike for. I have certainly been guilty of this before. If everyone likes the person except you, then maybe you both just got off on the wrong foot. Try to see if it is possible for you to communicate with each other and possibly make amends. Be civil. If you reach out an olive branch and they don’t reciprocate, then do not retaliate.
I understand being hesitant about talking to others. As you said, it might seem jealous and make you seem like the villain rather than the victim. If something is truly off about her, she might use this to her advantage to ostracize you further. Maybe talk to someone you are close to about how you are feeling. They might back you up if they agree, or give you perspective if they do not.
As far as the group treats you right and you feel like you belong in the group, you should just ignore her as much as possible. It might just be that your personalities clash, and that is ok. There are always going to subgroups and supergroups in any friend groups, so that is completely normal. Maybe you go out and talk to her and you find a middle ground, or maybe you don’t. It is alright for you to have varying opinions about people.
I have friends myself who have other friends that I do not particularly like. However, as long as my friendship with friends is fulfilling and strong, then I do not necessarily pay mind to the other friends. If you feel like you are being replaced in the group, then maybe there’s a bigger problem at play. Maybe communicating to your friends that you are feeling neglected or feeling low about your friendship, and you can work through it together.
You are feeling low at the moment, try to focus your energy on things that make you stronger. Try talking to other friends about your feelings. Try exercising, meditation, listening to music, anything that helps you relax more. Take care of yourself. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to have great friendships.
Here are some resources that might help:
-https://www.teenvogue.com/story/what-to-do-if-best-friend-found-new-best-friend
-https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeannecroteau/2018/09/30/feel-like-youve-been-replaced-heres-how-to-work-through-it/#7ca1fa822a5e
-https://goop.com/wellness/relationships/why-certain-friendships-can-make-us-jealous/
Wishing you all the best,
Manisha