Hi I’m not sure if this is the kind of stuff you answer but I’ve been talking to this guy for a while and we’ve met twice and really got on but he’s away for work for a while and we had been chatting nonstop until one day he stopped replying. Three days later he replied not really explaining his absence and when I replied he’s gone awol again. I know he’s active online so it’s like he’s ignoring me. I don’t know what to do whether to message him again on a different app or does that make me look crazy? I just feel like I’ve had no closure from this and it’s me crazy anxious and affecting my mood bc I’m worried I’ve done something or that I’m obviously not good enough. I sound desperate but I really like him and I find it hard to move on without people telling me straight up it’s over. What should I do? Just ignore or try and reach out again? Im kinda fed up but there’s a part of me that really wants him to reply.
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Hi there,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. I am sorry that this is happening to you. You are not desperate for wanting closure; it can be frustrating when people stop communicating inexplicably. Here is an article that contains some tips on how to cope with ghosting: https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/how-to-effectively-deal-with-being-ghosted. One of the most important things is building self-esteem. You can do this in many different ways, such as prioritizing self-care, trying to avoid comparing yourself to others, finding what hobbies bring you joy, and becoming comfortable with spending time alone. You could also try to create mental boundaries, such as defining what things are deal-breakers in a relationship. Being comfortable and confident in solitude can help you not feel as hopeless if this happens again, whether it happens with friends or potential partners.
I have linked an article that discusses how to improve your self-esteem in greater detail: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem/.
Also, I would not recommend trying to contact him from another app. If it feels like you are forcing the connection with this person, it may not be worth having in the first place. While you were not in an official relationship with him, moving on from a potential relationship is still challenging. Try to reach out to your friends and family for support during this time; talking to someone with an objective viewpoint on the situation can help you organize your thoughts and process your emotions. Here are some tips on how to move forward after the end of a relationship: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm.
You likely haven’t done anything to cause his silence, but if you have, it is up to him to tell you. If he’d rather not communicate his feelings, that is his choice. If you have already reached out to him and haven’t received an answer, there is nothing more you can do. While accepting this fact is easier said than done, this feeling of hopelessness will fade with time. Here are some tips on how to cope when you don’t get closure: https://www.coaching-online.org/moving-on-without-closure/.
However you are feeling at the moment is completely fine; all your feelings are valid. Working through these complex thoughts and emotions will take time, and remember that it is not a linear process. You may feel fantastic and confident one day and completely different the next, which is normal. Try to be patient with yourself.
I hope that some of this information was helpful. Please feel free to reach out to Asking Jude again if you have any further questions.
Good luck,
Andrea