I went through a very difficult breakup while in quarantine, and I had to move out. I’m feeling something of a lack of identity being on my own for the first time in years. What can I do to feel more comfortable on my own?
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. This is a situation that many people struggle with after a breakup, so you are not alone in the slightest!
Firstly, I am very sorry that you had to go through a breakup during an already-difficult time like quarantine. Breakups can be some of the hardest things to handle, especially if you feel like you have to go at it alone. Along with the normal feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness that one often experiences after someone important leaves your life, comes a feeling of being lost and unsure of how to act without your “other half”. This can be especially hard if the relationship was long-term. The point of me saying these things is to make it clear that these feelings are completely normal, and will surpass eventually with time and self care.
Self-love and self-care. Those are the two golden terms for you during this time. When we are so used to dedicating time and effort to someone else, even if it is healthy, we are very likely to forget about our own needs, desires, goals, and interests. Think back to before you were in this relationship: what were your favorite things to do? Who were your favorite people to spend time with? What were you working towards?
Though this is a very hard time for you, breakups come with a lot of positives. You can be whoever you want to be without the worry that your partner will reject you. You can devote as much time as you want to having fun with your friends and family, and most importantly, yourself. You can use this time for self improvement and reaching your goals (the best “revenge” to an ex is your own self betterment). Remember, you have been “alone” before. Before this relationship, you had your own sense of self and lived for you, and if you could do it once, you can certainly do it again! It just takes a bit of practice and time to adjust for things to feel back to normal.
I am actually going through a similar experience currently, and I hope it comforts you to know that once you reach a point where you remember how amazing it is to be happy by yourself, it will all be so worth it. You have so much to offer just by being you, as cheesy as it sounds, and I hope that you rediscover your amazing qualities sometime soon. In the meantime, stay strong and take care of yourself. Here are some self care tips that you can practice:
Rewatch your favorite movies/tv shows and reread your favorite books.
Spend time with your best friends and family, even if only over a facetime call.
Take care of your body; exercise, get a good amount of sleep, take baths, perfect your skincare routine, etc.
Jam out to your favorite songs. Like, have a full concert in your bedroom. Trust me, this one always works.
Journal, meditate, or do yoga.
Here are some resources that may help you:
Finding Yourself After a Breakup: https://thoughtcatalog.com/mika-pamatmat/2016/06/10-ways-to-find-yourself-again-after-being-shattered-by-a-breakup/
Who Are You Without Them? https://www.letsmend.com/posts/who-am-i-without-you-rediscovering-yourself-after-a-breakup
Self Love After a Breakup: https://medium.com/@SoulGPS/5-ways-of-practicing-self-love-after-a-painful-breakup-5bbaace9fb25
Hi there,
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. This is a situation that many people struggle with after a breakup, so you are not alone in the slightest!
Firstly, I am very sorry that you had to go through a breakup during an already-difficult time like quarantine. Breakups can be some of the hardest things to handle, especially if you feel like you have to go at it alone. Along with the normal feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness that one often experiences after someone important leaves your life, comes a feeling of being lost and unsure of how to act without your “other half”. This can be especially hard if the relationship was long-term. The point of me saying these things is to make it clear that these feelings are completely normal, and will surpass eventually with time and self care.
Self-love and self-care. Those are the two golden terms for you during this time. When we are so used to dedicating time and effort to someone else, even if it is healthy, we are very likely to forget about our own needs, desires, goals, and interests. Think back to before you were in this relationship: what were your favorite things to do? Who were your favorite people to spend time with? What were you working towards?
Though this is a very hard time for you, breakups come with a lot of positives. You can be whoever you want to be without the worry that your partner will reject you. You can devote as much time as you want to having fun with your friends and family, and most importantly, yourself. You can use this time for self improvement and reaching your goals (the best “revenge” to an ex is your own self betterment). Remember, you have been “alone” before. Before this relationship, you had your own sense of self and lived for you, and if you could do it once, you can certainly do it again! It just takes a bit of practice and time to adjust for things to feel back to normal.
I am actually going through a similar experience currently, and I hope it comforts you to know that once you reach a point where you remember how amazing it is to be happy by yourself, it will all be so worth it. You have so much to offer just by being you, as cheesy as it sounds, and I hope that you rediscover your amazing qualities sometime soon. In the meantime, stay strong and take care of yourself. Here are some self care tips that you can practice:
Rewatch your favorite movies/tv shows and reread your favorite books.
Spend time with your best friends and family, even if only over a facetime call.
Take care of your body; exercise, get a good amount of sleep, take baths, perfect your skincare routine, etc.
Jam out to your favorite songs. Like, have a full concert in your bedroom. Trust me, this one always works.
Journal, meditate, or do yoga.
Here are some resources that may help you:
Finding Yourself After a Breakup: https://thoughtcatalog.com/mika-pamatmat/2016/06/10-ways-to-find-yourself-again-after-being-shattered-by-a-breakup/
Who Are You Without Them? https://www.letsmend.com/posts/who-am-i-without-you-rediscovering-yourself-after-a-breakup
Self Love After a Breakup: https://medium.com/@SoulGPS/5-ways-of-practicing-self-love-after-a-painful-breakup-5bbaace9fb25
Sending hugs,
Jordan