Hiii first time doing this but need some advice.. I’ve been friends with this girl for like a year and a half and I’ve had a major crush on her for most of that time.. anyways a few weeks ago she told me that she liked me aswell after I told her I used to have a crush on her. I’ve been flirting with her the past few weeks now and she’s blushing and flustered whenever I do but she’s not doing anything back, wondering if I can have flirting advice to make it more obvious since I’m a flirty person in general and just wondering what your opinion on the whole thing is.
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Hello! Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude.
You should consider whether she is blushing and flustered because she likes the way you are flirting, or because she is uncomfortable. She may not know how to respond to your flirting; some people are unsure of how to navigate these kinds of situations.
Keep in mind that communication is vital to all relationships. Tell her how you feel about her lack of response. Ask her if your flirting is alright with her, or if she’d prefer a different kind of flirting or maybe to just remain friends. Timing and situational context are also factors to consider before having this conversation. Ensure that you both have sufficient time to talk and that you aren’t in the middle of a different task.
I have linked an article that contains some tips on effective communication: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm.
You also mentioned that you’ve been friends with this girl for a while, but you may not be aware of what she likes. Everyone responds to flirting in different ways; what works for one person may not work for someone else. She could prefer a kind of flirting different from the one you are currently using, which is another reason why communication is important. Focus on her and her preferences, and pay attention to the small details when she speaks. Active listening can be difficult, especially when you have other things on your mind. If you feel overwhelmed, take a pause and recenter yourself; this will make it easier to give your friend your full attention.
Here are some tips on active listening that may help you: https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/wellbeing/how-to-talk-about-health-problems/active-listening.
Flirting can be exciting, but it can also be frustrating if it feels one-sided. When expressing your emotions, be concise and direct; try not to beat around the bush. Strive to keep an open mind, and when you talk to her, use “I” statements and avoid “you” statements. Phrases like “you always” or “you never” often come across as accusatory, and if she becomes defensive, the conversation could turn into an argument, which is unproductive for all parties involved.
Here is some additional information about “I” statements: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/i-message. I hope that some of this information was helpful. Please reach out to Asking Jude again if you have any further questions.
Good luck!
Andrea