Hi Jude! Ive been having some trouble with a friend. Ive known her most of my life and within the past year she's gotten into smoking week and psychedelics. I don't personally like being around that kind of stuff, but since January, I don't think Ive seen her sober for more than 3 days. She knows Im uncomfortable with it, and I feel like she now makes it a game to see if ill notice when I see her. Everyone who agrees with me says I should leave her as a friend, but I've known her for so long. ??
Hey there,
You are absolutely right to believe that her habits are destructive and feel like you should leave her. It appears to me that your friend may have gotten into these substances out of curiosity or to relieve some personal/mental issues, which has turned into a cycle of dependency. The more pressing question is whether you should help her or leave her. Abandoning your friend does not sit right with you because you’ve known her for several years and truly care about her. The best course that you should take is to tell her how uncomfortable you feel about her behavior and health. Perhaps you should consider speaking to her friends and family members who are also worried and sit her down. If her behavior is as out of control as you mentioned, then others have had the same concerns.
Remember that you owe it to your friend and to yourself to do more than just leave her. You must be open about how you feel and talk to her as that true and loving friend that she’s known her whole life. It’s understandable if you have mixed feelings of sadness, anger, and fear for your friend. It’s terrifying to have known someone your whole life and learned to love and support each other and have now come to this part of life where one of you is lost. However, you have to ask yourself if you’d want to be alone in your friend’s situation with no one there to support you.
By no means am I advising you to stop everything and give your full attention to help your friend. Doing this would make you hate yourself and your friend. However, I hope you talk to your friend and make your feelings and concerns known to her. Understand that after you sit down with her, she might treat the situation as a joke, but letting her hear how worried you and all of her family and friends are might help her realize how far she’s fallen. When you speak with her, I suggest you do some research on addiction and how it affects a person’s life and family and friends. Doing research with her loved ones shows that you will not let her throw her life out the window just yet.
After you speak with her, maybe the best option for her is to talk to a professional or join a support group. Letting her talk about why she hasn’t managed to stay sober for more than three days with a professional or someone going through the same obstacles will enable her not to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable if she speaks to her friends and family. No matter how your friend takes the discussion, remember that you are an amazing friend for wanting to help her recover. I hope this helps and wish you and your friend love and support! Here are some articles that you can read in the meantime:
https://www.thediscoveryhouse.com/03/12/2018/honest-advice-support-friend-sobriety/
https://vertavahealth.com/blog/the-real-reasons-youre-not-getting-clean-and-sober/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-help-addicts-22238
https://www.trihealth.com/dailyhealthwire/wellness-and-fitness/7-tips-for-helping-someone-with-an-addiction
https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-friendships
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/8-signs-toxic-friendship
Best,
Jennie