Hi, a girl I went to school with followed me and I followed her back ,she wasn't always the nicest but I decided to see how it goes she's been messaging me like we're best friends ,and I just found out we are in the same field. I don't know if she is actually trying to be nice or using me for a job she just asked for my phone number today?Do you think it's a good idea to be friends with her?
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Hi there,
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. This is a great question! Sadly, people sometimes have selfish motives for friendships, and at times it can be hard to distinguish a genuine friendship from one that is manipulative.
I think there is an equal possibility of the friendship being genuine rather than ingenuine. You mentioned that this girl was a bit mean to you in the past, so perhaps this is her way of saying she regrets her past decisions and wants to be a kinder person in the future. She could also just have a genuine interest in you as a person and wants to get to know you better. I’m sure that you could name a few people from highschool that you wish you’d have gotten to know, and maybe you are that for her!
On the other hand, your worry is valid. Some people will manipulate someone into liking them so that they can be given special treatment, like opportunities and connections in the career-world. One way to distinguish if this is the case is to pay attention to how much of your conversations with her have to do with jobs/careers. Is she asking you about your job a lot? Is she talking about her wishes to get into your field? Is she insinuating that she needs help or a “way into” a career like yours? If she is doing these things often, I would test the waters by telling her that you don’t particularly want to talk about work, and then change the subject to something else, like family, current events, a television show, etc. If her sweetness only lasts when you are talking about careers, then this is an obvious sign that she may just be using you. If it continues and she stays to talk about other topics, then I’d say that is a clear indicator that she is just outgoing and wants to be your friend!
Here are some articles that may help:
Is Your Friend Using You? https://pairedlife.com/friendship/9-Signs-Someone-is-Using-You-How-to-Tell-If-Your-Friend-is-Using-You-For-Money-Social-Status-or-Anything-Else
Why You Don’t Have to Recommend Friends for a Job: https://www.themuse.com/advice/what-to-do-when-a-friend-asks-for-an-in-at-your-companyand-you-dont-want-to-give-it
Take care,
Jordan