Hello Jude… I am having a bad time at the moment cause I’m afraid I will lose a friend of mine. Whenever I talk to other people I rely on they only say “I’m sorry” or “it’ll be okay”… I know they mean well but it’s like I need an specific answer.
This friend means a lot to me, we have known each other for years and, even though there were so many good times we had together- for some reason I can’t get over the fact that they didn’t tell me things … important ones.
They said that they may want to talk about it but not now cause they are not doing good mentally and I want to give them that space… but how long should I wait? What if they never come back? How should I move on?
I’m angry and sad at the same time but then there are moments where I can only have so much love for them and I want them to know, on others I just- miss them and then I get confused cause maybe I don’t, but I miss the relationship and not necessarily them?
I feel lost and I try to write on my journal about this process and I just feel like I am going nowhere.
Thank you in advance for reading this, I really appreciate any guidance/advice I can get
I’m sorry you’ve been through such a tough time with your friend. It can be frustrating when you feel like the answers you’ve been getting aren’t enough. Navigating this feeling of uncertainty can be challenging, and I want to let you know that we’re here to help.
I understand that it can hurt when someone close to you decides not to share important information. Trust is vitally important in any relationship, and it’s possible that you’re feeling hurt by the idea that your friend felt they couldn’t trust you with their issues. Sometimes people make mistakes or don’t communicate in the way we expect them to, and it’s okay to feel disappointed by that. If the two of you start talking again, it might be helpful to approach the conversation with curiosity and empathy instead of anger. If you haven’t already, you could ask them to share their perspective on why they didn’t tell you and express how that has been making you feel.
It sounds like you’ve been trying your best to be patient, and I want to commend you for that. Again, I know it can be frustrating to not have answers or know how to move forward, but it’s important to respect your friend’s boundaries and be understanding of their mental struggles. Regarding how long you should wait, unfortunately, there’s no definite answer. I’d tell you to trust yourself and your needs when trying to figure out when the right time to come back is. Try to set boundaries for yourself in the process; it’s okay to not wait indefinitely for your friend to come back. Give yourself a deadline for how long you want to give them.
Friendship breakups can feel just as bad, if not worse than romantic ones; try to remind yourself that if missing your friend feels intense now, you may still need time to deal with this for yourself. It’s hard to say if/when your friend will be ready to talk again, so in the meantime, try to focus on your feelings, your value, and your overall well-being.
If you need additional help trying to make sense of the situation, this article goes over how to healthily give someone the time they require to work through an issue: https://shorturl.at/gKR79.
This article also provides a few coping strategies to deal with the emotions of missing someone you care for: https://shorturl.at/EILN9.
Journaling is a great way to process your feelings during this time, but if you feel like you’re not making progress, there are a few different things you could try. You could give yourself prompts so that your writing has more focus. Have you tried changing the environment when you’re journaling? Sometimes a change in scenery or a distraction-free environment can be exactly what you need to inspire new ideas. Journaling isn’t your only option either. Other ways you can try to process your thoughts include meditation, art, or even just putting aside some time to focus on self-care. If you still feel you’re not making any progress then it may be best to consider reaching out to a licensed counselor or therapist.
I found a brief list of activities similar to journaling to help you process some of the feelings you’ve been experiencing. Finding new ways to express yourself can be a great way to get out of a rut: https://www.silkandsonder.com/blogs/news/how-to-process-emotions.
Thank you again for reaching out to Asking Jude. I hope I was able to help, and you are always welcome to reach out again. Remember to always take care of yourself!