Aug 28, 2020

How to be happier?

I’ve always had a temper. Lately, I realize I’ve been easily annoyed and irritated. I notice that my triggers are loud noises and small talks. Before COVID, I had the house to myself in the morning and at night when I work, family members are about to or are already asleep. Everyone’s almost at home now... I lost my full time job (night shift) last April so I’m back to the usual working hours (got a part time job, thankfully). I’m not sure if it’s just the change in my environment or I’m just a horrible person altogether.

In addition, I find myself restraining from uttering a demeaning remark to my boyfriend (of 6 years) who is 10 years older than me but has no job for almost 2 years now. For this reason, I no longer want to hang out with him and find small talks pointless whenever we meet (1-2month; good thing we don’t live together). He didn’t come from wealth nor does he have savings. I’m in my early 30s and have wanted to be married by now. With the way things are going, I don’t see him in my future based on his current state and lack of actions. I know he is looking for a job but is picky about it like it’s not even a priority for him.

I know I have to talk to him but I dont know what to say to not make my words sting. I dont know if I still love him as his lack of planning and follow through with his goals is a major turn off. I’ve thought of breaking up with him but don’t know if my reason is valid or is something he could accept.

Anyways, I’ve been eating right, started to get moving (biking or going out of the house once a week), contemplating on a journal, tried to get back to crafting... any tips how to be happier? Sorry for the v long post.

2 answers0 replies

Jude

Aug 28, 2020

Hi there, Sage! I sent your submission to Max, and they will be answering it shortly. Thank you for supporting our new platform!

Jude

Aug 30, 2020

Dear Friend,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. I’m glad you’ve reached out since I don’t want you to think you’re a terrible person! Feeling irritated is normal and not at all a bad thing. It sounds like the change in schedule could be contributing to your poor mood. I’m happy to hear that you are eating right, becoming active, and making time for things you enjoy in your day. Making sure you drink and eat enough, get enough sleep, and do things for yourself will contribute to your mood a lot more than most of us think. Since you are making all of these efforts and still not feeling better, I am thinking that this might be an issue with your boyfriend.

You never need a reason to break-up with someone. This is your life to spend with who you want and how you want. However, I highly recommend talking to a therapist (or friend if a therapist is not in your insurance or budget) about your relationship issues. If you are finding yourself unable to communicate your frustrations with your boyfriend, then a therapist would listen to you talk it out and guide you toward the best conclusion. Right now you are building resentment against him for issues he is not aware of. I also want you to think about what you wrote about being 30 and wanting to have been married by now. It sounds like that is very important to you and your future goals. In what you wrote to me, you may have unconsciously found the solution to your problem. I would recommend telling a friend or therapist what you told me. Of course, if you are not happy in a relationship anymore, it’s best to leave. However, I think you should explore talking out your feelings to him about it before you make any big decisions.

How to feel happier is a complicated but important question. I think we all have highs and lows, but if your lows are becoming more consistent than your highs, then there may be an issue happening in your life. I recommend seeing a therapist to talk out the specifics of your feelings, and possibly seeking out a psychiatrist to see if this is a clinical state of unhappiness. It sounds like you are taking the steps I would suggest to feel happier, such as exercising, eating well, going outside, and engaging in hobbies. Amongst those, I would also suggest checking over your schedule and making sure you are dedicating hours of your day to yourself. Give yourself time to reflect and do digging into who you are and what you enjoy. Doing this will strengthen your relationship with yourself and make finding paths to happier days easier.

Resources on feeling happier:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YC6qBC0j8o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhhp28gWOA4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyRtyaToq8U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFUxiIjp-Nk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDnPCLnNfhg

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-be-happy#daily-habits

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201801/how-be-happy-23-ways-be-happier

If you need to contact someone immediately or are in crisis text or call these numbers.

Text Hotline:

Suicide Hotline by Texting HOME to tel:741741(US)

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