I’ve always had a temper. Lately, I realize I’ve been easily annoyed and irritated. I notice that my triggers are loud noises and small talks. Before COVID, I had the house to myself in the morning and at night when I work, family members are about to or are already asleep. Everyone’s almost at home now... I lost my full time job (night shift) last April so I’m back to the usual working hours (got a part time job, thankfully). I’m not sure if it’s just the change in my environment or I’m just a horrible person altogether.
In addition, I find myself restraining from uttering a demeaning remark to my boyfriend (of 6 years) who is 10 years older than me but has no job for almost 2 years now. For this reason, I no longer want to hang out with him and find small talks pointless whenever we meet (1-2month; good thing we don’t live together). He didn’t come from wealth nor does he have savings. I’m in my early 30s and have wanted to be married by now. With the way things are going, I don’t see him in my future based on his current state and lack of actions. I know he is looking for a job but is picky about it like it’s not even a priority for him.
I know I have to talk to him but I dont know what to say to not make my words sting. I dont know if I still love him as his lack of planning and follow through with his goals is a major turn off. I’ve thought of breaking up with him but don’t know if my reason is valid or is something he could accept.