I was out with friends one night and basically ended up going back to another girls house after clubbing. i was really really drunk but she was nice and we were joking about stuff. i ended up just going with the flow and kissing it’s all really hazy and she took the lead and did some stuff which I hadnt done before but it was all consensual until she TW shoved something up me and I was so confused because she didn’t ask first (or even prepare me first and even i know you’re meant to do that) and I didn’t even know what she had done but it hurt so much that I couldnt move. and I was drunk enough to have my whole knee covered in a bruise by the next day and still can’t remember how I got it, so i know that it would’ve been so much worse if I was sober. i bled for 5 days after and im still in pain. she just pulled it out really hard and said that I was bleeding so I said sorry and ran to her toilet and it was literally everywhere. i just wish she had asked me first, if she had asked i would have said no. i told her that I was a virgin and she did it anyway? it was still embarrassing and weird because I was a drunk mess and she was trying to comfort me through everything because i was really frightened but i just really really wish she hadn’t done it. i don’t know if I’m reacting so much because ive already been diagnosed with PTSD and maybe my brain is just being annoying? i don’t know, I just feel really violated and i have no idea what to do or where to go with this information i feel like I need to talk to someone but im scared that it isn’t bad enough
top of page
bottom of page
Thank you for reaching out, and I am so sorry that you are going through something so traumatic. I can imagine that disclosing what occurred must have been painful and triggering, so I want to thank you for trusting Asking Jude with this information. I also want to affirm that what you are experiencing is valid and nothing short of assault. You did not give her consent to perform that act. Here is an article that can provide you some information on what consent looks like:
Your reaction is completely valid and only natural given that your body is signaling to you how unsafe you felt in the situation. I also want to provide you a resource to the assault hotline https://hotline.rainn.org/online. Should you want or need to speak to anyone about your experiences and are comfortable enough to process with someone, then please know that you are not alone. You may consider speaking to a trusted loved one, such as a close friend or relative. You may also consider reaching out to a therapist that specializes in sexual violence. Here is a link with therapy options: https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget#Introduction-to-affordable-therapy. Regardless of who you choose to disclose to, please remember that there are resources available to help you.
You may feel isolated and have doubts regarding your experiences, but try to take the healing process one step at a time. Be kind to your body and mental state by allowing yourself to rest when you feel overwhelmed. Here is an article providing some self care tips that may help you: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.teenvogue.com/story/self-care-tips-for-sexual-assault-survivors/amp. Don’t feel pressured to do everything on the list; do what helps you feel safe.
Wishing you a safe journey towards healing,
Oy vey, was I tired! I got that bacwards, vee bee... You're much, much younger than me and I am much, much older than you. I am a baby boomer. Sorry about that...
Hi, @vee bee ! Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. One of our peer counsellors, Kelly, will get back to you within 48 hours. If you need it sooner, please, let me know! Until then, stay strong.
No... vee bee, not at all, you have come to the right place! Peer counselors usually understand aspects of a member's 'asks' that another member -- such as yours truly -- does not understand. There is information in your 'ask' that I don't understand -- most likely due to the fact that I am much much much younger than you. I'm a baby boomer.
Hey, vee bee, thank you for coming to Asking Jude. I'm a member, here, not a Peer Counselor. A Peer Counselor will respond to your 'ask.'