My apologies for the delay! This usually doesn't happen, but our peer counsellor had a complication that prevented our normal response time of 24 to 48 hours. I assure you that this won't happen again:

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude for advice. This can be a tricky situation, so I completely understand why you are feeling conflicted in what you should do. However, I am proud of you for being such a caring and considerate friend.

Even though your friend didn’t explicitly come to you for help with this, what matters is that you saw something concerning and want to make sure that everything is okay. As a friend, it’s your duty to check in when you see something concerning like self harm scars. It may be helpful to start with a simple but sincere “How are you feeling? Is everything alright?” at first, without even mentioning the scars. This gives your friend more flexibility in what they want to tell you, and lessens the chance of them being offended for pointing out scars. This may lead to them telling you they are having a rough time, but are getting help from a professional. If this is the case, your worries can ease, and you can just continue being a supportive and caring friend.

If your friend brushes the question under the rug and says everything is fine, then it may be time to politely point out that you noticed some scars. A way to do this is by saying “I just wanted to check in because I noticed a few scars on your legs the other day. I’m sorry if this is intruding, but I just really care about you and I wanted to make sure you knew you could talk to me about it if you’re comfortable with that”. This puts the ball in their court to open up about things under their own terms. After a sincere talk like this, they may very likely share what’s going on. And, if they are uncomfortable still, at least they know that you know and you are there for them. However, it is important to mention that if you notice things getting worse (more scars, unusual behavior from your friend, your friend becoming detached and distant, etc) it’s important to reach out to someone who may have a bit more power to help. The best people to reach out to would probably be their family (parents, an older sibling, a close relative, etc) if they have a good relationship with them. You can also reach out to a guidance counselor if you are in middle/high school, or file a mental health care report if you are in college.

I understand that you may feel like you are medaling in your friend’s business by being concerned for something that is so personal to them. However, when the matter has to do with something dangerous to their health, you are doing the right thing by getting involved. But, remember, caring for someone else’s mental health can be detrimental your own, too. If this situation is causing you anxiety, it can definitely help to get a trusted person involved that may be able to deal with it/help you deal with it more effectively. If you are feeling anxious and overly responsible, reaching out to your parent or a professional may help a lot.

Here are some resources that may help:

Self Harm Help Line (for advice for you, or help for your friend) https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/self-harm/

How to help a friend who self harms: How to Help a Friend Who is Self-Harming| Banner Health

What to say to a friend who self harms (and what to avoid): https://www.self.com/story/self-harm-friend-help

Take care,

Jordan

Hello, @Q Ya1 ! This is Jude. One of our peer counsellors, Jordan, will get back to you shortly. Until then, stay strong!