As a child I was sexually abused a few times, family, friends and neighbors. I am aware of that for a few years, before I only saw it as flashbacks or dreams, my family doesn't know anything, and thats okay.
But I have this stranges dreams, in those dreams I am sexually involved with male members of my family and I feel really nasty and dirty, I don't have those feelings for them, so sometimes I feel really guilty and uncomfortable aorund them. The person that I dream the most It's my stepfather, he is a good person and treats me well, he has never touch me in a dirty way, so why do I keep dreaming him like this? I once had a sleep paralysis, and I see him in my room, standing watching me... And I had dreams like that with an uncle too.
I don't really trust men.
Last year, I was in a party and an old men kiss me without consent, I was petrified. Later that night, I sit on him because we have to go somewhere and it was his car, my cousin was driving, anyway I was top on him and he was moving... you know, rubbing in me, and there was people in the car, and I just couldn't say or do anything... That happened to me before, with a friend that I used to like, i felt raped...
Apart of the nightmares, I have this thing... that when I feel nervious by a men, I can't say no to them and I just do what they say. Of the times that I was abused when I was a kid, I only remember saying "No" to one person, and it was because we were same age.
Last thing... My mom do know about that time that I say "no" to that kid. But at the end I did what he said, I didn't know what he was doing but I remember feeling guilty. Anyway, somehow my mom knew, and she blame me for everything and say he will kill him, so I said that i wanted to do it for keeping him safe. She slapped me, she only has hit me that time. Anyway... Thanks for listen. :) I don't speak english, so sorry if u didn't understand me.
Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. I am extremely sorry to hear about the sexual abuse you experienced as a child. I truly appreciate you disclosing what happened to Asking Jude and want to emphasize that none of what happened was your fault. It is possible that since you experienced sexual assault at the hands of male relatives, the trauma manifests itself as disturbing nightmares with current male relatives. Although I am not an expert on dream interpretations or sexual abuse, I believe that healing from your past will end these nightmares.
Firstly, I strongly recommend meeting with a therapist to cope with this stress. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, and therapists are professionals in the field of mental health. Together, the two of you can find ways to heal from your past and decrease the nightmares. You may even want to find a therapist with a strong background in sexual trauma. If you are interested in seeking therapy, here is a link that can help you find one in your area:
I understand that reaching out to and discussing personal information with a therapist can be a frightening experience. I also know that this option is not always easily accessible to everyone. If you cannot receive therapy at the moment, please check out the following hotlines and textlines that you can use instead:
<tel:+18002738255>-Telephone Helpline: tel:877-995-5247 or download the Safe Helpline app on your phone
-Crisis Helpline: tel:800-233-4357
-Crisis Chat: https://www.contact-usa.org/chat.html
-Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741
-Teenline (https://teenlineonline.org/talk-now/) (open from 6pm-9/10pm each night): tel:310-855-HOPE (4673) or tel:800-852-8336 or text “TEEN” to 839863
More telephone numbers can be found here:
It may also benefit you to disclose what happened to a close, trusted friend or family member. This may serve as a cathartic experience for you since you would be getting a lot of information off your chest. It can also be a reminder that you have people in your life who care about you. Expressing details to someone else about traumatic events in your life may feel uncomfortable. However, if you know of someone who will listen to you with an open heart, I encourage you to reach out to them. You may choose to say something like this: “Hi, _____. Something has been bothering me lately, and I was wondering if you could hear me out. It’s about something that happened to me in my childhood.”
Another way you can cope with the sexual trauma is to write letters to yourself about what happened. For example, you can take at least five minutes to write out your experiences and memories. Along with that, I encourage you to write words of encouragement, such as “This will not break me,” “I can and will overcome this,” and “I have friends and family who will help me through this.” I recommend writing down three action items you can take to continue coping (e.g., “I will reach out to a close friend”).
I also want to recommend daily habits that can decrease the emotions you may feel from the trauma. Taking 15 minutes to document your feelings (like in a journal), exercising, eating healthy meals, drinking plenty of water, communicating with loved ones, and relaxing breaks throughout the day can significantly improve your mental wellbeing. Additionally, try practicing a calming nighttime routine. Meditating, reading a good book, doing some light stretching, and/or taking a warm bath can relax you before bed.
I have found additional links that I hope will help you, such as:
How to practice saying no:
How to open up about trauma:
How to practice self-care:
How to prevent nightmares:
I encourage you to reach out to Asking Jude again and update us on your wellbeing. We thank you for opening up to us, and we send you our best during these difficult times.
Sending all of my love and support,
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