Hello there, i want speak but my English very poor, my bf have strange concepts as he want me to humiliate myself for him, he threatened me and want me say please to him to stop, he threatened me by spread my sime nudes pics by sending him full nudes pics, he hurt me and fight with me and want me say to him "i love u" or "sending nudes" me when i refused it balme me alot and say he doesn't deserve as sort of making me feel guilt, he say when we fight words as i will rape you and say sexual things too, about threatened me he say he not spread anything, unfortunately i can't get over it and i feel so lonely..
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Hey there,
Thank you for reaching out to Asking Jude. I am sorry to hear about these challenges you are facing in your relationship. There are many different kinks and fetishes out there; some people enjoy fake humiliation during sex or as a form of foreplay. Everyone has different sexual preferences, and that is perfectly fine. The important thing to consider is whether or not your partner is causing you harm, and it sounds like he is.
Your partner may be trying to engage in a kind of rape fantasy. I have linked an article that discusses this topic in further detail: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sexual-self/202101/understanding-and-indulging-in-rape-fantasy?amp.
Rape fantasy is a type of role playing. All parties involved have given prior consent and understand that they are enacting a fantasy. However, if you have not given consent prior to engaging in sexual activity with your partner, he is committing sexual assault. Communication is vital to every relationship, and if you are not comfortable with something your partner is doing, you need to communicate these feelings to him. This conversation can be difficult and uncomfortable, especially when contextualized with the relationship dynamic you have described. Despite this, you should be direct and honest with him; try to set clear boundaries and avoid beating around the bush. Always remember that you should never feel guilty for rebuffing his advances. You always have every right to say no, and it is vital that you both have given clear consent before engaging in any sexual activity.
You might also want to take some time to consider the relationship itself. You said you often feel lonely and afraid; both of these feelings are signs of an unhealthy and toxic relationship. Try to consider how your partner usually behaves and how you feel when you’re around him, and think about whether or not this is the type of person with whom you want to share your life.
Here is an article that discusses toxic relationships in further detail: https://www.simplypsychology.org/toxic-relationships.html
You also mentioned that your partner threatened to send your nudes to other people. The sharing of intimate images without the consent of the person in the photo is against both criminal and civil law. If your partner does send the pictures without your consent, you should consider going to the police.
Here are some tips on how to cope with your nudes being sent: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/what-to-do-when-your-naked-selfie-leaks.
There are ways to protect yourself when sending intimate pictures in the future. The most important thing is to not show your face or anything that can be used to identify you, like tattoos and piercings. Also, you should always take the time to examine your feelings and consider the potential repercussions before sending these kinds of pictures in the future.
You are not alone in your struggles; unfortunately, many people have been stuck in this type of situation before. Try to be kind to yourself as you navigate the conflicts in your relationship. I hope some of this information was helpful, and please reach out to Asking Jude again if you have any further questions.
Hang in there,
Andrea